


Glam Punks

by Spirit_Howl



Series: A Life In Music [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Consensual Underage Sex, Implied/Referenced Underage Sex, M/M, Multi, Punk!Remus Glam!Sirius, Underage Drinking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-20
Updated: 2016-03-21
Packaged: 2018-05-15 04:21:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 20
Words: 28,311
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5771089
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Spirit_Howl/pseuds/Spirit_Howl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's the 1970s, Remus inadvertently introduces Sirius to all things glam before discovering his own love of punk.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. I'm Just A Vampire For your Love

They all had their roles. Potter was the mother-hen: unquestionably their leader, but in a nurturing, caring kind of way exemplified by his giving Sirius a home and his dedication to finding a solution for the pain inflicted by lycanthropy. Black was the unstoppable force: always getting into mischief, always flirting with anyone who’d look at him for longer than half a second, even if he had no intention of doing anything about it. Pettigrew was their cheerleader: always adoring, admiring. What of Lupin though? Many saw him as the voice of reason, and on many occasions he was just that; getting them to do their homework on time, reeling in some of their more exaggerated pranks (or at least making sure the culprits were harder to find), attempting to get them to leave Snape alone, just this once. People forget though, that Moony’s name was first on the map. No, after Remus had proved himself in that first week at Hogwarts by using the newly acquired wingardium leviosa charm to stick his dorm-mates’ belongings to the ceiling, Potter and Black had no doubts about his capacity for tomfoolery and his position as part of the gang was confirmed.

It was already common knowledge that Lupin was a half-blood, raised mainly in the muggle way, but apart from explaining a few of the boy’s quirks, it had remained a rather uninteresting fact as far as his dorm-mates were concerned. By contrast his sudden disappearances, the last of which had occurred only three days previously, intrigued Sirius, and now Remus was once again going off somewhere without letting his friends know and it just wouldn’t do. So when Remus got up from the Gryffindor table, Sirius followed. He already had James' invisibility cloak on him, having decided earlier in the week that this would be the day he would find out Remus' secret. He wasn’t too shocked to find himself stood outside the Ravenclaw common room as Lupin waited for his companion, a third-year Ravenclaw, to puzzle out the riddle. After all, Remus was the most studious member of their gang and spent more than enough time in the library, it would make sense for him to befriend members of the eagle’s house. When the solution was found a few minutes later and the two were let in, Sirius snuck in in behind thanks to the invisibility cloak he had begged from James for the purpose of following their friend, rationalising that James himself would have no need for it in detention that evening. The surprise came immediately upon entering the common room.

There, Sirius saw a crowd excitedly gathered round a box with a sort of arm thing. Stood next to the box, Sirius recognised the fifth-year Hufflepuff prefect, Dorcas Meadowes. ‘Hello and welcome one and all to this evening’s meeting of the Muggle Music Appreciation Society,’ she began, addressing the crowd. ‘For the benefit of those who haven’t been to one of our evenings before, what usually happens is we listen to the record of the week as suggested by you guys at our last meeting, discuss it for a while, break for cake and tea, then come back for a vote on next week’s record before you all get back to your houses before curfew. If you want to contribute to the funds for next week’s album, the jar is by the turntable. Now Remus, where are you? Dorcas glanced around the room and beamed when she spotted his friend. ‘Come on up and introduce the record, would you? It’s only right, seeing as you suggested it.’ Remus blushed but nodded, gathering himself up and walking over to the machine.

‘So I noticed that there hasn’t been a lot of glam played since I’ve been a member, and I think I originally suggested 'Get It On', but as this song came out just today, I persuaded Mam to go out and buy it and owl it over. So here it is: the new single by T. Rex, 'Jeepster'.’ Remus set the music up to play and hurriedly sat down again.  
As soon as the introductory drumbeat kicked in, Sirius was mesmerised. By the time the singer had screamed the final ‘vampire’, Sirius was hooked. He had never heard anything like it before, with the most popular wizarding musicians of the time being Celestina Warbeck and Blodwyn Bludd, both of which were more operatic in style, or the Hobgoblins, who were no more than children’s entertainers.

As the music died and the excited reviewing began, Sirius was frustrated that he couldn’t join in, seeing as he was currently invisible. He wanted to talk to someone about his musical awakening but didn’t want to risk Remus finding out he’d been following him just yet. So instead, he did the next best thing he could think of and made the first financial contribution of the evening while no-one was watching. He saw Remus chatting with an older Slytherin student who said ‘this isn’t your usual style, Lupin, what happened to the boy I heard humming War Pigs as they wandered out of the library at the beginning of the year?’

Remus shrugged. ‘I guess I’m happier now,’ he began. ‘And I think it’s good to broaden your musical horizons.’ To Sirius’ surprise, the Slytherin grinned. 

‘I knew you’d be a positive addition to the club, and I’m glad you feel more settled, I hope my inviting you to join us helped a little with that.’

Remus nodded fervently. ‘Definitely. It’s like I can still hold on to a little bit of home even as I learn more about the wizarding world, you know? Makes me feel less homesick.’

‘I can understand that,’ the Slytherin agreed. ‘My mum always used to sing to me when my father had been particularly awful, so it’s always been comforting for me,’ she smiled. 

Eventually, the cake had been eaten (though not by Sirius, who didn’t want a disembodied hand alerting Remus to his presence) and the group gathered round to vote on the following week’s song of choice. Sirius did not wait around to hear the result, knowing that he would arouse suspicion if he wasn’t in Gryffindor tower by the time Remus got back.  
The next evening, when Remus actually was in the library helping Peter with his Defence homework, Sirius excitedly filled James in on his discovery.

‘So, I followed Remus last night,’ Sirius began.

‘You are obsessed, Black. It’s not healthy,’ James warned him.

‘Shush you, this is important. Turns out he’s part of a club dedicated to muggle music, they meet over in the Ravenclaw common room every week. It seems he was sought out by a girl from Slytherin who heard him singing about pigs or something. Anyway, they play music the likes of which wizarding society has never heard, with banging and proper screaming at the end, it was amazing. The guy must have been a squib though because he knew about vampires,’ Sirius concluded, grinning.

‘So Remus misses muggle music and you like the fact it sounds like an awful racket because you’re contrary like that. That’s your big discovery?’ James asked him, unconvinced.

‘Yeah,’ Sirius nodded enthusiastically. ‘Problem is, how can I hear more without revealing that I spied on him?’ 

‘So you admit you were spying?’ James smirked.

‘Spying is not stalking, James,’ Sirius informed him sagely. 

James rolled his eyes. ‘Maybe you should pretend you didn’t follow him and ask him directly what he does before coming back to the common room on Friday evenings,’ James suggested.

‘But you know I’m a rubbish liar,’ Sirius whined.

‘So come clean, tell him you were curious so you followed him, and that you think muggle music is the best thing you ever heard and does he have any more?’ James said, slightly exasperated.

‘He’ll be upset that I didn’t trust him,’ Sirius pouted.

‘No he won’t, he’ll be amazed and grateful that you’re interested in something to do with him. It’ll be good for his self-esteem to finally be the cool one in our gang again, it’s been months since he turned our dorm room upside-down. Plus, this time it’ll be even better because he won’t have broken any rules so he won’t have that worried look on his face.’

Sirius grinned. ‘That was pretty amazing, wasn’t it? I wasn’t even mad, it was that good.’

‘There you go again,’ James muttered.

‘What?’ Sirius asked him, confused.

‘It’s like you have this huge crush on him!’

‘No I don’t,’ Sirius denied.

‘Fine, fine, just tell him. He won’t be mad, honestly.’

‘Tell who what?’ Remus asked, coming through the door.

‘What did you do with Pete?’ James asked.

‘He’s downstairs playing exploding snap in the common room, needed to unwind a bit after all that homework I made him do,’ Remus joked.

‘Oooh, sounds like fun,’ James said, already headed for the door. ‘See you guys later when I return victorious as the champion of Gryffindor House!’ The door swung shut behind him.

‘Do I smell or something?’ Remus asked, one eyebrow raised.

‘No,’ Sirius swore, ‘Potter’s just really unsubtle when he thinks two people should talk.’ 

‘Is this about making Peter do his homework on a Saturday? You know it’ll never get done next week, with classes and pranks and probably a few detentions as well as the start of the quidditch season,’ Remus protested.

‘No, no, it must be done, you’re quite right Professor Lupin,’ Sirius reassured him. Remus groaned at the nickname. Sirius took a deep breath before patting the spot next to him on the bed. ‘I have a confession to make.’

‘Oh?’ Remus turned to look at him, surprised.

‘I know your secret,’ Sirius smiled, trying to make light of the situation.

‘What secret?’ Remus asked, immediately on the defensive.

‘Woah! Calm down! How many have you got?’ Sirius laughed, trying to defuse the tension. ‘I only meant I know where you go on Friday evenings.’

Remus breathed a sigh of relief. ‘How?’

‘I umm, I kinda followed you?’ Sirius said sheepishly. ‘So yeah, I’m sorry about that, I know I shouldn’t, but just so you know, you have really cool taste in music.’

‘You and James set up this whole intervention just so you could tell me you’re a closet T.Rex fan?’ Remus asked, disbelieving.

‘Yes?’ Sirius confirmed, though it sounded more like a question. ‘I guess also to ask whether you had any more of their stuff?’

‘Not on me,’ Remus told him. ‘I could ask Mam to send over my copy of Get It On if you wanted. I left it behind because I got told that the wards around Hogwarts reject muggle technology, but obviously some brilliant Ravenclaw found a way round that, otherwise there wouldn’t be much point to the club.’

‘No, I guess there wouldn’t,’ Sirius agreed.

‘Hey!’ Remus suddenly exclaimed, excitement evident in his face. ‘I might have something for you. It’s not more music, but I have a poster of Marc Bolan if you want? It doesn’t move or anything because it’s muggle but-’ Remus shuffled around in his trunk before emerging, triumphant. ‘Here you go,’ he handed the poster over to Sirius, whose own eyes widened in shock.

‘Do muggles normally dress like that?’ he asked, awed.

Remus laughed. ‘No, definitely not. That’s the glam style, you see? People wouldn’t normally wear that much glitter or makeup on a day-to-day basis, and definitely not men. And I’m not sure, because I’ve never tried, but those shoes look quite difficult to walk in,’ he pointed out the platform boots. 

‘I think I have a new idol, can you imagine my parents’ reaction if I come home covered in makeup? It would totally be worth it!’ Sirius grinned and Remus stopped laughing. Sirius hadn’t told them much about his parents, but the little he had said had not sounded great. ‘It’s such a shame we’re not allowed to visit Hogsmeade until third year or I would have gone straight to Gladrags and demanded they make me his suit. Oh well, at least I have the hair, I could always ask the girls for the eye makeup,’ Sirius drifted off, mind already focused on his transformation into a glam rock god.


	2. Kind of Strange Like a Stormy Sea

Sirius had remained faithfully devoted to Marc Bolan until that awful day in June 1973 when a well-meaning Ravenclaw from the muggle music club showed him the cover of the latest Melody Maker, with his idol proclaiming glam rock to be dead. Though Bolan’s assertion may have been a tad premature considering his own later return to the genre, as far as Sirius was concerned, their one-sided love affair was over for good. It would take over a year for Sirius to find the artist to replace Marc Bolan in his affections, declaring Bowie was not the answer as he would move on too now, in search of the next musical inspiration. The fact that 'Diamond Dogs', released in May of the following year, was his last true glam record before the soul of 'Young Americans' took Bowie into a new period of musical experimentation meant Remus had to retroactively concede the point, all the while admiring Bowie’s genius for reinvention. However, once a hopeful Remus offered him 'Killer Queen' as a present on Sirius’ 15th birthday, Marc Bolan was finally forgotten in favour of his new hero, Freddie Mercury. It was Mercury’s ‘I am what I am’ attitude which gave Sirius the courage to come out as gay to his parents, aged sixteen, and the strength to leave after they made it clear they would not accept him as he was. 

Remus, by contrast, had continued his exploration of rock music. The fondness for metal which had landed him in the club in the first place never left him but his second year saw him briefly become infatuated with prog rock, its astronomical themes chiming nicely with his new-found reconciliation with himself in light of the acceptance of his room-mates. Pink Floyd’s 'Dark Side of the Moon' and the song 'Watcher of the Skies' by Genesis seemed particularly apt to describe his dual nature. Similarly, he furthered his investigation of glam rock, with David Bowie’s 'Life on Mars' also pertinent. By the end of 1976 though, he had been searching for an angrier sound without success for about a year. The growing threat of the war outside, his own less-than-stellar post-graduation prospects and the events surrounding The Prank, all left him feeling more agitated, in a way that could not be soothed by a bit of glitter and was definitely not conducive to sitting around luxuriating in songs that were twice as long as they should be.

He had spent the first six months after The Prank avoiding Sirius, and with no music to distract him, focusing his attention on a new project. In order to ensure that no-one would ever follow him into the Shack again, he devised a map which would tell him precisely where everyone was at any one time, and all the castle’s secret passageways in order to pass undetected during the winter months when the moon rose early and set late, while students would be wandering the castle on their way to and from lessons. Although James and therefore Peter were on his side, by the end of October they seemed to have called a truce with Sirius, and by the time winter came were spending more and more time with him. Peter occasionally helped scoping out Hogwarts’ hidden places when James had quidditch practice, but the first half of his fifth year was lonely indeed. Of course, the reason for Sirius’ sudden re-admittance to the Marauders’ ranks was made clear to him on his 16th birthday, as his friends transformed into animals before his very eyes, Sirius promising that they would never let him hurt himself or anyone else again. For a couple of months then, he was the happiest he’d been since his friends had told him they knew his secret, or maybe even since Dumbledore had invited him to study at Hogwarts like any normal wizard his age. Then came his careers interview with McGonagall where she had looked upon him with pity as he described how he wanted to help protect others from a fate such as his before reminding him that he could not join the aurors because the Ministry did not trust that werewolves could remain loyal to a world that offered them so little, and he could not become a healer due to the perceived risk of passing his condition on to his patients. 

So he desperately needed a healthy outlet for all his pent-up fury and frustration. He had read about punk in the NME, but as no records had been released and he couldn’t exactly sneak out of Hogwarts to go and see any of these wild gigs for himself, it wasn’t until The Damned released 'New Rose' in October of his sixth year that he got his first taste of punk. Much like Sirius with T.Rex five years before, he was immediately hooked. The driving, angry riffs and half-shouted lyrics relieved the tension he’d been holding in for over a year. The themes covered too, such as the mass unemployment occurring in the muggle world at that time and the general nihilistic anti-establishment philosophy suited his outlook at the time. Punk gave him the confidence to stand up to those who sneered at his shabby robes, and they became a source of pride as part of his new-found identity. He dyed his brown hair red and borrowed enough of Prongs’ Sleekeazy to transform his curls into spikes, while holding his tattered robes together with safety pins and politically-themed badges. Dumbledore found this metamorphosis highly entertaining, but not all the teachers were as easily amused. Slughorn would tut in disapproval whenever they happened to cross paths, which thankfully happened less now that Remus had given up potions. He would occasionally catch McGonagall staring at him as if he were a puzzle she thought she had figured out long ago only to find the final piece was missing. Things finally came to a head just before the winter break as McGonagall summoned him to her office.

‘Sit down, Lupin,’ she instructed him. He did as he was told.

‘Now, could you explain to me why you have suddenly taken against your school uniform? Or why your hair looks like a blushing hedgehog?’ She asked. ‘Might I remind you that you are a prefect, and this is not setting a good example to the lower years.’

‘It’s called punk, Professor. It’s a new cultural movement in the muggle world that rails against the sense of hopelessness engendered by modern society,’ he informed her.  
‘And do you feel hopeless, Lupin?’

‘I have no future, Professor McGonagall, our previous chat made that quite clear. So yes, the nihilism resonates with me somewhat,’ he confessed.

McGonagall sighed, a deep sense of sorrow at the fate of this bright, caring boy welling up inside her once again.

‘I can’t tell you off for expressing yourself the best way you know how, especially as Professor Dumbledore appears tickled by it and no-one seems to have been able to enforce the school dress code on Black either, but if having some sense of direction for the future would help you to remember to take care of your appearance, I will talk to Professor Dumbledore about finding you something worthwhile. You expressed an interest in teaching, did you not?’ she asked him.

‘Yes. Defence is my favourite subject, I like the idea of helping people become aware of the dangers they face outside of Hogwarts and how to overcome them,’ Remus confirmed.

‘There’s no reason you could not be a wonderful teacher, Lupin,’ McGonagall assured him. ‘The problem lies in the fact that most of our professors are already experts in their field by the time they come to us. This will be more difficult for you to achieve, as most will be unwilling to hire you as an assistant once your condition is disclosed to them, which it must be once you leave Hogwarts. Even branching out by yourself as a freelance curse-breaker may prove unsustainable if your lycanthropy becomes common knowledge. However, I am sure Dumbledore will find a way. Do not lose hope, Lupin. You belong here just as much as I do,’ she said, giving him one of her rare smiles. ‘You may take a biscuit as you leave Lupin, and do try to get Black to remove the varnish from his fingernails.’

Remus nodded in acknowledgement and did as he was bid.

Predictably, Sirius was waiting for him outside the door. ‘Minnie says to remove your nail varnish,’ Remus informed him in greeting. 

Sirius laughed, having absolutely no intention of doing so. ‘You were in there for ages, it can’t all have been about my amazing fashion sense?’

Remus rolled his eyes. ‘No, it was mainly about mine, and how it was setting a bad example to the younger students seeing as I’m a prefect. Then it turned into a follow-up careers meeting. She said she might get Dumbles to use some of his mysterious influence to get me a job combating the dark arts, with a mind to eventually becoming a DADA professor.’

‘That’s something, isn’t it?’ Sirius asked him, encouragingly. 

‘Yeah,’ Remus smiled weakly.

‘Anyway, it’s the end of term and you know what that means don’t you? The Marauders are going to throw an awesome party and you’re in charge of the music. By common agreement, your guidelines are: no punk, and lots of Christmas-related songs. Not entirely sure why, considering the committee was entirely made up of us Marauders- minus you of course because you were on your date with darling Minnie- and we all know I’m an atheist and Prongsy’s Hindu, but there you go,’ Sirius told him.

Remus laughed. ‘I assume Pete voted for Christmas, James voted against and you voted for because you love any excuse for a party.’

You know me so well,’ Sirius said, batting his eyelashes at Remus, who tried his best to ignore him. ‘Hey, do you reckon Prongs will try to get with Evans again?’ Sirius asked him, grinning broadly.

‘Undoubtedly, and he’ll fail too. Why would Lily want a drunken James when she can’t even stand him sober?’ Remus reasoned.

‘Poor Prongsy,’ Sirius sighed in commiseration. ‘It’s such a hard life, pining for people who will never love you back,’ he said sagely.

Remus turned to look at him, eyes narrowed. ‘You’re pining for someone? I know you’re a dog, Pads, but this doesn’t sound like you.’

‘Mmhmm,’ Sirius confirmed. ‘It’s okay, I’m not going to make a fool of myself, I know they could never be interested in me.’

Remus laughed again. ‘I’m sure whoever it is, as soon as you let them know you’re interested, they’ll jump at the chance. You’re handsome, funny and even clever when you want to be.’

‘Yeah, but I’m also impulsive and, having been on the wrong end of my worst ever idea, he knows that. I don’t think he trusts me,’ Sirius said. There was only really one person this could apply to as far as Remus could make out, though the answer was shocking.

‘You like Snape?’ he hissed at Sirius.

‘What?’ Sirius asked, sounding shocked before sighing. ‘Never mind, Moony.’


	3. Everybody's Having Fun

The party was evolving much as Remus had anticipated it would. After the second accidentally-on-purpose mistletoe kiss, Lily had started hitting James with the jelly-legs curse anytime he came within a metre of her. Sirius was being his usual charming self, going from group to group, telling entertaining stories and half-heartedly flirting with everyone. Peter had miraculously found himself making out with Mary Macdonald, which was unexpected. Remus assumed the firewhisky-laced punch probably had something to do with it. Remus had stuck to the brief, playing mainly Christmas hits such as ‘Merry Xmas Everybody’,’ I Wish It Could Be Christmas Everyday’ and even ‘Lonely this Christmas’, because it fit the theme and was by a glam rock band and therefore Sirius-approved. However, Remus had the distinct impression that Sirius was avoiding him. He hoped the next song would go some way towards remedying the situation, though he had no idea why Sirius was avoiding him all of a sudden. The song in question was not innately Christmassy, but it had been number one at that time last year and so Remus felt suitably justified in his decision to include it. If it also happened to be one of Sirius’ favourite songs, then that was no more than a happy coincidence. 

As soon as Sirius heard the first line, he screamed excitedly into Remus’ ear. ‘This is my song, Moony!’ he grinned, and Remus decided the hearing loss was worth it as they started singing along. By the time Freddie had reached the first “Mama”, James had joined them, dragging a reluctant Wormtail along with him. On “Sent shivers down my spine/Body’s aching all the time” it was tacitly agreed that Remus would take the lead, to be followed by Sirius soloing on “Goodbye, everybody, I’ve got to go/Gotta leave you all behind and face the truth”, each relating the lyrics to their personal experiences. Peter and James came back in with the “Mama” repeat before Sirius interpreted lewd meaning to the line “Scaramouche, Scaramouche, will you do the fandango?” wiggling his eyebrows suggestively at Remus. This caused Peter to laugh so James had to do “Thunderbolt and lightning/Very, very frightening me” by himself, before Pete managed to recover enough to take the high part in the Galileos. Remus sang the first line of the next verse before the other three completed the rest. Remus once again led on “Easy come, easy go, will you let me go?” with Peter and James on the Bismillahs and Sirius pleading the case for the defence. Sirius and James then took full advantage of the guitar solo to jump around playing air guitar and walking into the ‘crowd’ before Sirius rushed back to take the lead on the rock verse, which he felt resonated quite well with his experiences of life as a member of the Black family. The four of them came back together to see the song to its conclusion, ending with a celebratory group hug, much to the amusement of the cheering partygoers who surrounded them. Once the hug broke, Remus excused himself, saying he was going to get something to drink.

Drink in hand he made it to an unoccupied sofa, where he was swiftly joined by one Lily Evans. ‘That was quite the performance,’ she noted sardonically. 

Remus laughed. ‘Yeah, it’s Sirius’ favourite song, so it had to be done.’

‘Uh-huh,’ Lily responded, as if that explained a fair few things. ‘You know he was flirting with you pretty much throughout the entire performance, don’t you?’

‘No he wasn’t!’ Remus denied.

‘Yes he was. I have no idea what he thinks a fandango is, but he definitely wants to do it with you,’ Lily teased.

‘He really doesn’t. I think he might fancy Snape.’

Lily choked on her punch she was laughing so hard. ‘You have to be kidding me, they absolutely loathe each other.’

Remus shrugged. ‘He told me he knew the other guy didn’t feel that way about him and that he’d lost his trust about a year ago.’

‘And there’s absolutely nobody other than Snape who might have felt betrayed by whatever it was Black did last year? Nobody who literally didn’t speak to him for six months despite having previously been one of his closest friends?’ Lily asked.

Suddenly it was Remus choking on his drink, spilling it all over himself as realisation hit.

‘Now you even smell like a punk!’ Lily giggled at the effect the revelation had had on her fellow prefect.

‘Oi, Evans! Leave Remus alone. Isn’t it bad enough how you treat Prongs without corrupting our poor, innocent Remus Lupin too?’ Sirius appeared in front of them.

Glancing up at Sirius, Lily responded ‘it’s alright, Black, this one’s all yours,’ before getting up and walking away, grinning.

Ignoring that last comment as the babbling of a madwoman, Sirius turned to Remus. ‘Why’d you leave me for her, Moons?’ he whined, collapsing into the seat Lily had just vacated.

‘I didn’t. I left to get a drink, found somewhere comfortable to sit while you were busy charming our guests, she came over to me, we got chatting.’

Sirius, who had slung his arm around his friend’s shoulder as he spoke, moved closer and started sniffing him. ‘Merlin, Moony, what have you done to yourself? You actually do smell like a distillery.’

‘Lily may have revealed some shocking truths to me and I may have spilled my drink over myself in surprise,’ Remus told him.

‘Such as?’ Sirius asked teasingly.

‘Apparently you’re not in love with Snape,’ Remus told him, somehow managing to keep a straight face.

Sirius just stared at him, dumbstruck, for what felt like five minutes. Eventually he croaked out ‘Snivellus, Moony? Really! I would have thought my earlier reaction to that would have clued you in.’

‘I thought maybe you thought I disapproved,’ Remus explained.

‘I would hope so, you know, if I were in love with Snape,’ Sirius managed a wry smile. 

Suddenly, they heard a grinning James Potter shout ‘look up!’ from where he was stood in the crowd. They stared back at his grinning face and then did as they were told. Someone, presumably James, had hung mistletoe above the couch. Sirius sighed.

‘Funny how this wasn’t here when I was sat with Lily,’ Remus noted dryly. 

‘Would you rather do this with her?’ Sirius asked him, suddenly timid.

‘James would murder me!’ Remus said, shaking his head and smiling. 

‘Alright then, let’s get this over with so I can go and kill James,’ Sirius said, leaning in. It was nothing more than a quick brush of lips, but perhaps inspired by his earlier conversations, Remus felt it held a promise of greater things in their future. Pulling away, he noticed Sirius wore a warm smile on his face. It was no hardship for Remus to return it.

‘Right, where’s that interfering git got to?’ Sirius muttered as he went after James, leaving Remus alone to digest what had just come to pass.

Their night ended when McGonagall, who appeared to have a sixth sense concerning any mischief that may be occurring in her house at any one time came and told them it was one in the morning and in order to spare her over seventy letters from parents concerned that their children had been turned into inferi, it was high time they went to bed. Peter had retreated early, and the absence of his usual snuffling snores meant he’d probably had cause to use a silencing charm. As predicted, Prongs was drunkenly bemoaning Lily’s continued disinterest in him as Remus and Sirius guided him to bed. Sirius, in his capacity as honorary elder sibling slid in beside James, ready to spend the night cuddled up as Padfoot in order to comfort him. Remus gratefully snuggled under his duvet and quickly fell asleep, a smile on his face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Contains underage drinking according to UK law where the legal drinking age is 18, unless the drink (which has to be one of beer, cider or wine) is bought for you together with a meal when out at a pub or restaurant by someone over the legal drinking age. Technically, as the party could be considered a private event, it is possible that no laws may have been breached, because UK law says it is legal for those over the age of 5(!) to drink in private.


	4. Don't Know What I Want but I Know How to Get It

The next morning saw all four boys boarding the train home for the holidays. Peter was looking forward to all the food that would be eaten on visits to various relatives. Sirius had promised Euphemia Potter that he would stay with them over the two-week break, and so it was understood that James would also be going home. No-one objected to this arrangement because the Christmas period fell between full moons that year, with the last occurring two weeks before the end of term, and the next not expected until after their return to Hogwarts. Remus was looking forward to spending a stress-free holiday at home with his parents for once. So they spent the journey home playing exploding snap and teasing Peter about what he and Mary got up to the night before. The mistletoe kiss was not mentioned, James having obviously forgotten. 

Remus was met on the platform by his father, whose words failed him upon seeing his son’s new style for the first time.

‘Have you been hexed?’ Lyall finally managed to ask once they had reunited with Hope in the main station area. His wife laughed.

‘Oh Lyall, it’s nothing that serious, he’s a punk. You know, like those London boys who sang about being the antichrist,’ Hope explained through her giggles.

‘I’m rebelling against magical society for rejecting me because I have a disease,’ Remus confirmed, causing his father to flinch.

His mother wrapped him in a reassuring embrace. ‘Oh bach,’ she sighed, ‘Dumbledore will think of something, I know he will.’

And so he spent an enjoyable few days at home, getting into the Christmas spirit through eisteddfodde with his Mam and helping his Da with his research on the voluntary migration of poltergeist. On the Thursday before Christmas though, he was woken up by an argument.

‘It has nothing to do with you, Lyall!’ He heard his mother huff in frustration.

‘How do you know?’ Lyall replied angrily.

‘Because you never tell him anything! How can he be rebelling against you when you refuse to tell him what happened?’ Hope argued.

‘He’d hate me,’ his father protested.

Hope’s voice softened as she replied, ‘of course he won’t, love. You’re his father. You’ll have to tell him eventually though, for your own peace of mind.’

‘I will, when he comes of age,’ Lyall promised.

‘I’ll hold you to it,’ his mother vowed.

When his mother came up to give him a cup of tea, no mention was made of what he’d heard, her usually cheerful disposition firmly back in place, and the rest of the holiday passed in much the same way. It was as if his sleep-fogged brain had imagined it all.

On Christmas morning, he was woken by insistent tapping on his bedroom window. Once he got up to open the window, Lakshmi, the Potters’ barn owl flew in, a letter around each leg. Deciding the poor owl would not appreciate the wonders of chocolate, he ran downstairs to grab a bit of ham from the fridge, which she took gratefully before flying off with his replies.

James had bemoaned Remus’ gift, complaining that a book basically telling him to leave Lily alone to make up her own mind about who she wants to date was barmy because she couldn’t stand him. Nope, this new-fangled feminism was not the way to win Lily’s heart, he refused to believe it. This made Remus laugh, knowing that his friend was basically doomed to a life of loneliness. James also told him that although a record was essentially useless without a record player, Sirius had not let go of Remus’ gift for a second, and could occasionally be spied stroking the cover affectionately. Sirius simply told him he’d better bring his record player with him when he crossed the border into Somerset to spend New Year’s at the Potters. All in all, he reckoned his gifts had been a success.

So, on December 31st, Remus, together with his mother’s record player, was dropped off outside the Potters’ home, his parents on their way up to Ayr to spend Hogmanay with his Da’s family. He was greeted by Euphemia, who told him the boys were out in the field behind the house so James could practice his quidditch moves. Walking out, he was first spotted by Sirius, who shouted out ‘Moony! Thank Merlin you’re here. Come save me from Prongs’ tyrannical quidditch practices!’ all the while waving his keeper’s gloves in the air in greeting. 

Smiling, Remus moved toward them. ‘At least as keeper your nails are protected,’ Remus told Sirius.

Sirius beamed, ‘these gloves are the best. He thought about making me beater but I said the risk of chipping was too great, knew you’d understand, Moony.’

‘Such a drama queen!’ James teased. ‘How are things, Moony?’

‘Pretty good. I brought Mam’s record player for you, Sirius,’ he told them.

‘Brilliant! Let’s go now before Prongsy here forces you to play beater,’ Sirius suggested.

‘Fine by me,’ James agreed, ‘means I get to use up all the hot water in your absence!’

Sirius rolled his eyes. ‘You’re a pureblood, Prongs, the water in your bathroom has a permanent heating charm. Come on Moons!’ he said, dragging Remus behind him as he headed back toward the house.

They set up the record player in the living room, and after listening through to the end of 'Somebody to Love' for the second time, Remus asked him what he thought.

‘Did you buy it for me because it’s Queen and you know how much I love them or were you trying to tell me something?’ Sirius asked him quietly.

Remus silently cursed his pale Celtic genes as he felt himself blush. ‘A bit of both?’ he hedged, his Gryffindor courage momentarily abandoning him.

‘Are you gay, Moony?’ Sirius asked him. He didn’t want this to be some sort of experimental phase that Remus grew out of at the expense of their friendship.

‘I- I’m not sure,’ he hesitated, and Sirius stifled a disappointed moan. ‘I obviously like you, and I’ve found other boys attractive, but then I’ve also liked girls. I think I might be bisexual.’ 

Sirius breathed a sigh of relief, he could work with that. ‘In that case, this is how I feel, both about you and your present,’ he said, before reaching out to touch the other’s face, guiding him into a tender kiss. 

After they separated in order to catch their breath, Sirius teased ‘so Evans told you I was mad for you?’

‘Yeah,’ Remus confirmed.

‘Remind me to thank her!’ Sirius laughed.

They moved apart as they heard footsteps running toward them, James having obviously finished in the bathroom. He looked at them closely, his eyes narrowed. 

‘There’s something you two are hiding. You haven’t actually got your act together and hooked up have you?’

They were saved from answering him by Wormtail coming through the Floo.

‘Oh Merlin, it stings! Why does it always get in your eyes?’ Peter appeared, complaining and rubbing his eyes. 

‘Hi guys,’ he greeted once he could open his eyes without wincing. ‘What have I missed?’

‘Mainly I think these two were in the process of hooking up, so you’ve arrived right on time to save me from the dull fate of being their third wheel on New Year’s Eve,’ James informed him. Peter didn’t quite know how to react, so mumbled a quick, confused ‘congratulations’ in their direction while blushing profusely. Remus too was going red with embarrassment and Sirius was glaring murderously at James, who smiled proudly back at him. 

In the end, James need not have worried. Euphemia called them for lunch, then, despite James’ earlier bath, the four boys played a scaled-down version of quidditch, with Remus partnering James as a second chaser, and Peter and Sirius technically on the opposing team as beater and goalkeeper respectively. They came in when it grew dark around four o’clock and spent time talking with James’ parents, Fleamont (“call me Monty, please!”) promising Remus a year’s supply of Sleekeazy’s Hair Potion to maintain his look, which he found fascinating. Of course, Remus did not tell him the real reason he was rebelling against society, but it was well known that the Potters were blood-traitors and the magical community in Britain was notoriously old-fashioned, so the idea of trying to liven things up a bit in order to spite the Purists appealed to Monty. Effie was just pleased to note that her sheltered and admittedly slightly spoiled son had grown up to be a caring, accepting young man who, despite being a popular quidditch star, had remained closest to his misfit dorm-mates: Sirius, the pureblood disinherited because he wore makeup and was attracted to other boys; Peter, the nervous, round, underachiever; and Remus, poor, quiet, studious, and almost certainly another victim of abuse, with his scars and hopeless excuses. 

After Monty had served dinner, the Potters went out to celebrate the New Year with friends in the village, leaving the boys to their own devices. Peter cracked open the firewhisky, claiming it as his and Remus’ birth-right as Scots, though Sirius and James teased Remus, claiming him to be more of an all-purpose Celt, what with his Welsh roots on his mother’s side. Sirius, as the lone of-age wizard had been left in charge of the fireworks. Much to everyone’s surprise, they went off without incident, enabling the Marauders to enjoy the spectacle without fear of losing their eyebrows. By tacit agreement there was no midnight kiss: it was too soon, what they were too fragile and imprecise for such public displays just yet. They all fell asleep huddled together on the living room floor, Peter next to James next to Sirius who ended up slinging his arm possessively around Remus. Effie and Monty smiled at the sight as they came back home, before quietly going up to bed.

In the morning, Remus woke up first. This was unusual, he was not normally a morning person unlike James, and he enjoyed getting his full eight hours unlike Sirius who somehow managed to function despite generally only having three-quarters of that at most. He assumed it was the effect of the firewhisky, his own body somehow miraculously immune to hangovers, much to the envy of the others. In a token gesture aimed at honouring the Calennig of his native Wales, and also to say thank you to the Potters for putting up with them for the weekend, he had brought bread and cheese carefully charmed with a preserving spell. He had made sure that the cheese he bought was suitable for vegetarians, knowing that the Potters did not eat meat products for religious reasons. On waking to see the offering, the other boys naturally complained until Remus promised it could be eaten by all. 

Soon enough, it was time for him to leave again. Not that it was too great a hardship, what with the return to Hogwarts only four days away. What was going to be slightly more awkward was the fact that the full moon also fell on the 5th that year. Still, with his friends present to make sure he did not hurt himself too badly Madam Pomfrey would almost certainly release him in time for his afternoon classes. However, in the four days he was separated from his friends, Remus had had ample time to start worrying about his relationship with Sirius. They had not discussed where they planned for the relationship to go; all Remus knew was that both of them had wanted to kiss, so they had. It had been all impulse, all instinct, with no thought as to what came next. Maybe, now that Sirius’ curiosity had been satisfied he would expect them to return to just being friends.


	5. Make Me Know You Really Care

The transformation had not gone too badly, despite his agitated state. He had spent little time alone with Sirius, what with his prefect duties on the train and then heading straight to the infirmary. He learnt later that the wolf had been quite tense that night and kept following Padfoot around, almost ignoring his other companions. In the end, he slept through the next morning, completely drained, and so Madam Pomfrey refused to let him go to his afternoon classes, having not seen him this tired after the change for many months. Though physically he remained unharmed, the transformation had reminded him of his dual nature, and of the consequences, and he decided that for Sirius’ sake, he would have to put an end to whatever was building between them. So, coward that he was, he did not mention them; he avoided spending time alone with Sirius, avoided sitting close to him when the Marauders were whole. 

It took Sirius only until that Sunday to decide he had had enough. Once the others had gone to bed in anticipation of a full week of lessons starting the next day, Remus heard him hissing his name.

‘Please may I come in?’ Sirius asked his voice barely above a whisper. Silently, Remus opened his curtains, letting the other boy into the sanctuary of his four-poster. Sirius sat down nervously at the foot of his bed, facing him.

‘How are you feeling?’

‘Fine, you know that since the Marauders have been able to come with me the change isn’t so bad,’ Remus told him.

Sirius’ face formed an ironic smile. ‘I’m glad, but you know that’s not what I meant. Why are you avoiding me?’ he asked.

Remus sighed. ‘I didn’t know what you wanted from me,’ he admitted. ‘I know you could do better and I didn’t want to presume.’

Sirius growled in frustration. ‘Why didn’t you just ask me? And what do you mean I could do better?’

‘I know it hasn’t escaped your notice that I’m a werewolf, Sirius,’ Remus said, more harshly than he’d meant.

There was silence, Sirius too stunned to speak in response. Then, ‘you’re never going to forgive me, are you?’ he whispered, obviously hurt.

‘I forgave you, how could I not after you became animagi in order to protect me from myself?’ Remus reassured him. ‘But I can’t forget what I am. I still pose a danger to people every month, I will always struggle to find work, to find acceptance within society. I can only bring you down Sirius. You’re brilliant, you could be anything you wanted, but by associating yourself with me, you will unnecessarily cut off many amazing opportunities. People will shun you for being with me and you don’t deserve that,’ Remus explained.

‘I don’t care!’ Sirius exclaimed, almost forgetting it was the middle of the night and their two room-mates were fast asleep. ‘Outside of one night a month, you are the kindest, wittiest, bravest person I know. The wolf doesn’t define you, Remus, it’s the person you are those other twenty-eight days that matters, and that person is amazing and deserves to be loved. I don’t want any opportunity that can only be mine if I deny my connection to you. Anyway, now that I’ve been disowned, I have no money either and I know I talk the talk about wanting to go into the Auror programme with James, but who knows what the Blacks will have told the Ministry about me? I could be barred too, you know.’ 

‘You deserve better from your parents,’ Remus told him sincerely.

‘I know, that’s why I don’t consider them to be my parents,’ Sirius agreed. ‘You deserve better from our society. You can’t let them beat you Remus, you have to stand up for what you want.’

‘Including you?’ Remus asked, a teasing smirk on his face.

‘Especially me!’ Sirius grinned broadly.

‘What about my scars, Sirius? You are so beautiful, while I am just an ugly patchwork of skin and scar tissue.’

‘Your scars are beautiful!’ Sirius protested. ‘They are a monument to your true bravery. The everyday bravery that got the likes of me and James sorted into Gryffindor, it’s not much more than showboating is it? You, though. Every month, you get torn apart, but you put yourself back together again and you remain so kind, so gentle, even when people spit in your face. Those scars are there to remind you that you suffer so that others do not have to.’

‘You stood up to your parents, that took real courage,’ Remus argued. Sirius waved his hand dismissively, causing Remus to laugh. Once he had calmed down, Sirius crawled up the bed to embrace him.

‘So what, you’re my boyfriend now?’ Remus whispered into the other boy’s neck.

‘Is that going to be a problem for you?’ Sirius asked warily.

‘No, it’s just pretty incredible. Hogwarts’ most handsome man wants me,’ Remus laughed again. ‘Could we maybe keep it quiet for a little while, though? Until we’re sure this is going somewhere.’

‘Oh, but I was ready to shout from the top of the astronomy tower that you were my “Moonage Daydream”! I want to be the most embarrassing boyfriend that ever lived, worse than Prongs would be if Evans ever gave him a chance,’ he said, looking down at his boyfriend. Remus groaned.

‘Just give me a month, yeah?’

‘Fine!’ Sirius sighed, good-naturedly. ‘One month, then I get to lord it over Prongsy that I got you before Evans even got to tolerating him.’

‘Go to sleep, Padfoot. We’ve got classes in the morning,’ Remus told him in order to shut him up.

‘Here?’ Sirius asked him eagerly.

‘If you want,’ Remus agreed. It wasn’t unusual to find two boys sharing a bed in the mornings, James or Remus comforting Sirius when the Blacks had been particularly horrid, or the others taking turns to share with Remus after the full moon, so it was unlikely that Sirius staying there that night would cause suspicion. 

‘Goodnight, Moons,’ Sirius said, kissing the top of his head.

‘Night, Pads,’ Remus replied sleepily.


	6. A Riot of My Own

By Remus’ birthday on the 10th of March, they had been together for over two months. Prongs and Wormtail had known for a month, just as Remus had promised, and just as Sirius had promised, he became the most embarrassing boyfriend in existence, serenading him from the table in the centre of the common room for Valentine’s Day being a particular low point. James was ecstatic, having claimed he knew they belonged together ever since Sirius took to stalking Remus in first year, making both boys blush. Peter was less effusive, but seemed to accept them all the same.

On the day itself, Sirius woke his boyfriend by stealing his record player and putting on the record he’d bought him. The Damned, once again in a rush to be punk’s most record-breaking band, released their debut album “Damned, Damned, Damned” that February, leading Sirius to turn to Lily Evans of all people for help in order to buy it in time for Remus’ coming-of-age celebrations. Sirius would later take against the Clash however for having the audacity to release their debut single, “White Riot”, only eight days after Remus’ birthday. James and Peter were not overly pleased to be woken up by the screaming at the beginning of “Neat Neat Neat”, but Sirius reasoned that as it was a weekday, it wasn’t like they’d have got much more sleep anyway. Remus, once he got over the shock, laughed until his ribs started to hurt. Sirius smiled when Remus motioned for him to come back to bed.

‘You got me the whole album?’ Remus asked him as “Fan Club” began to play.

‘I needed to celebrate your finally becoming a man somehow, didn’t I?’ Sirius defended himself.

‘Thank you,’ Remus said, kissing him briefly on the lips. Sirius, deciding he wanted more, kissed back.

‘Guys, tell McGoogles Remus and I have important business to attend to and won’t be in class this morning, would you?’ Sirius instructed his friends.

‘What business?’ Peter asked.

James rolled his eyes. ‘The sort of business you and Mary have been taking care of in various empty classrooms for a couple of months now.’

Peter’s eyes widened as comprehension dawned. ‘Oh, right, we’ll leave you to it now, shall we?’

‘That would probably be best,’ Sirius agreed, a wide grin spreading across his face.

Sadly, they were interrupted by a post owl. Remus took the letter and the owl flew off, having evidently been paid on the other side.

“Dear Son,  
Happy 17th birthday! Your mother and I are so proud of the man you have become, and hope your friends make this a memorable day for you. However, there is a matter you and I need to discuss. Professor Dumbledore is willing to let us use the Floo in his office so that we can do this face-to-face. He says to be there at five o’clock tomorrow and that he’s particularly partial to Pepper Imps at this moment in time.  
Love always,  
Your Da”

‘You alright? You’ve gone pale as a ghost,’ Sirius asked him after he put the letter down without saying anything.

‘It was a letter from my father,’ Remus stated as if that explained everything.

‘And I’m guessing it didn’t simply say “happy birthday, we love you”?’ Sirius prompted.

‘No. When I was home over Christmas, I thought I heard them arguing. There’s something Da feels guilty about, to do with me. Mam told him he had to tell me and he said he would. I guess this is it.’

‘Any ideas?’ Sirius asked him.

Remus shrugged.

‘Right. Shall we grace Minnie with our presence then? I can see your father’s killed the mood.’

Remus nodded. ‘Sorry, Pads.’

So, the next evening, Remus made his way to Dumbledore’s office. The Headmaster smiled at him as he came in, but it did not reach his eyes, which looked sad.

‘Come in, sit down. Your father should be along shortly. You may have a sweet while you wait,’ Dumbledore told him.

‘You’re going to be here the whole time?’ Remus asked him.

‘I think it’s for the best,’ Dumbledore replied.

‘So you know what this is about?’

‘Yes I do, I have known for a very long time. Also, once you and your father have finished, I will have a proposition for you,’ the headmaster told him.

Before Remus could ask anymore, Lyall arrived, looking decidedly ill.

Remus got up from his chair and embraced his father. 

‘Are you alright?’ Remus asked him.

‘Fine, fine,’ Lyall said distractedly, failing to reassure his son.

‘Welcome, Lyall,’ Dumbledore addressed him. ‘Please take a seat.’

His father nodded in acknowledgement before taking the chair next to Remus.

‘Remus, you know I love you, don’t you, son?’ Lyall began.

‘I love you too, Da.’

‘I have lived in shame these last twelve years. You see, I know who infected you, Remus. I know because it was my fault,’ Lyall told him, unable to look him in the eye.

Remus’ face was a picture of confusion. ‘How could you possibly? Werewolf attacks are random, everyone knows that. That’s why we’re so dangerous.’

Lyall sighed. ‘I know because in 1964 the Ministry managed to arrest him for the murder of two children. However, due to the general ignorance of Ministry employees, they did not know what they had on their hands. He pretended his shabby clothes were because he was nothing more than a muggle tramp. I tried to warn them of his true nature, tried telling them to keep him locked up until the next full moon, but they would not listen to me. I grew so angry, Remus. It’s not a defence, I know, but you must understand I was not thinking rationally. I said something about werewolves being “soulless, evil, deserving of nothing but death”. I was ordered out of the courtroom, and learned later that they’d released him without charge, and without performing the memory charm because he escaped before they could. I have never regretted my words more, though in this particular case I do not take them back because that man was Fenrir Greyback. Greyback has made it his mission in life to bite as many people as possible, with a particular taste for young children, who can be turned against their parents and society. You were the ultimate prize, Remus. You were so young, and what better way to get revenge on the fool who insulted him than by turning his only child?’

‘That still doesn’t explain how he did it. Werewolves don’t,’ he hesitated, then took a deep breath and continued, ‘we don’t have the human capacity for planning when we’re in wolf form. He must have snuck in during daylight, before the transformation.’

At this point, Dumbledore intervened. ‘That is exactly what happened, Remus. Having not been obliviated, Greyback spent the months between his arrest and the 16th February 1965 planning his revenge down to the last detail. He found out your father’s name, his family status, his address and did exactly as you suggest.’

Noting the silence that had descended upon his office, Dumbledore continued. ‘Remus,’ he said, forcing the young man to look up at him. ‘Up until now, Greyback has failed in his vengeance. There was never a moment where the all-too-common prejudice demonstrated by your father overcame your parents’ love for and devotion to you. You know as well as I do that they did everything to find a cure for your condition. All they want is for you to be happy. Now it is up to you. You are of age, so all we can do is advise you. You could do as Greyback intended and turn away from the love of your parents; become the monster he wants you to be. Or you can stand and fight. The way to defeat Greyback is to forgive your father and carry on demonstrating that your condition does not define you.’

At this, the numbness Remus had been feeling was replaced with white-hot rage. ‘How can I? How can it not define me? I was turned because my own father thought we were no better than monsters. I leave here and I will have to register, for the entire world to see what I am and decide I am not worthy because of it. What Greyback did was despicable, but can you blame werewolves for turning against a society that rejects them out of hand?’

‘It is, unfortunately a self-fulfilling prophecy. Stories get around about werewolves like Greyback, which scares people and turns them against all werewolves, who then have to resort to criminality in order to survive and are left feeling bitter. You though, Remus! You have the power to break that cycle. Your father loves you. It may take some time, but I think you have it within yourself to forgive him. You forgave Mr. Black, did you not?’ Dumbledore pointed out. 

Remus nodded, still too angry to speak calmly.

‘Good. You have people who care for you, Remus. Do not turn against them for mistakes they committed years ago and have regretted bitterly ever since. I will leave you for a while to talk alone with your father, but I will return because I have something to discuss with you. Good luck Lyall, I assure you that you did the right thing by telling him.’ With that, Dumbledore left the room.

‘Do you hate me?’ Lyall asked after what felt like interminable minutes.

Remus sighed, deflated. ‘No, he’s right. This isn’t the first time I have learnt of someone betraying me, and I forgave the last. Do you still feel that way about werewolves?’

‘How could I, when you prove me wrong every day?’ Lyall essayed a small smile. ‘I was ignorant, but I have learnt. Most werewolves, like you, are unfortunate victims of this cycle of fear and mistrust.’

‘I don’t want to end up like Greyback, Da,’ Remus said, his tone pleading.

‘Oh, Remus!’ His father tentatively reached for him, wrapping him in a tight hug when Remus did not protest. ‘You will never be like Greyback. You are too good, too pure. Even if you can’t forgive me, I know that you would never turn against what’s right and use your affliction as a weapon.’ In the comfort of his father’s arms, Remus began to cry.

‘It’s so hard. I do everything right and in all likelihood I will still end up with nothing,’ Remus confessed.

‘I know life can be cruel, but you have people who love you and who support you. Dumbledore will not let you leave here without securing your future, I’m almost certain. That brilliant man must have a plan for you,’ Lyall attempted to reassure his son. 

Remus pulled away in order to wipe his tears. ‘I hope so,’ he said. ‘Did you ever consider abandoning me, once you knew what had happened?’

‘Never!’ Lyall exclaimed, and the scandalised look on his face at the mere thought of it made Remus smile.

‘I thought so. I love you, Da. You’re not to blame for the fact that Greyback picks on the vulnerable. If it wasn’t me, it would have been someone else, and I’d rather it be me, so that at least one child out there was spared this fate,’ Remus told his father.

‘I love you too, Remus, as does your mother. Who I should probably tell I finally confessed to you. Are we going to be alright, you and me?’ Lyall searched his son's face, looking for reassurance.

Remus nodded. ‘Yeah, we’re okay.’

‘Right, I’d better get going then, seeing as it’s getting late and Dumbledore wants a word. See you at Easter?’

‘Yeah, looking forward to it,’ Remus told him sincerely. Lyall smiled back at him as he stepped into the floo and called for home.

Mere seconds after, Dumbledore returned.

‘I trust things resolved themselves as they should?’ he said, his smile genuine this time.

‘Yes. He made a mistake, as you said, he’s not the only one.’

‘I’m glad. Now, Professor McGonagall tells me this fascinating look you have going on here is the result of some anxiety about your future?’

Remus blushed. ‘Partly, yes.’

‘In that case, I have an idea to run past you. It’s a bit early, I know, so if you find something better between now and graduation, I understand. Now tell me, have you heard of the man who calls himself Voldemort?’

‘The blood supremacist who’s been going around killing muggle-borns?’ Remus asked, unsure where this was headed.

‘Excellent. Now, you and I both know that parentage is no indication of magical ability, don’t we?’

Thinking of Lily Evans, Remus nodded.

'I have it on good authority that Voldemort has offered Greyback free reign to attack innocent people like yourself in exchange for help overthrowing the Ministry. Obviously Mr. Greyback is no great fan of the Ministry so as far as he’s concerned it’s a good deal, and Greyback is reasonably influential amongst the werewolves of Britain, having turned so many of them. Now, I have set up a secret organisation called the Order of the Phoenix to fight against Voldemort, and to have you on board, with your skills in defensive magic, would be wonderful indeed though I don’t expect you to join until after you graduate.’

‘What would I be asked to do?’ 

‘Initially, staking out sites that might be of interest to Death Eaters- that is to say, followers of Voldemort. There will probably be quite a few duels to be fought as a result. There may come a time when I will ask you to go and act as spy among the werewolves to try to get them onside,’ Dumbledore explained. 

‘You’re not worried I’ll join them?’ Remus asked.

‘No, I trust you, Remus. I don’t believe you wish to cause unnecessary harm to others,’ Dumbledore replied.

‘Alright then, count me in,’ Remus told him.

Dumbledore smiled. ‘Not until after you graduate, young man! Now, it need not be said that you must keep all you have heard in here this evening to yourself,’ he warned Remus.

Remus sighed. ‘It’s just another in a long list of necessary secrets, I think I’ll manage.’

‘Good. One of these days I may sound out Mr Black and Mr Potter about joining, and Miss Evans too, but for now-’ he left the end of his sentence hanging.

‘This conversation never happened.’ 

‘Thank you. Off you go now, before I have to think up an excuse on your behalf when Mr Filch finds you out after curfew,’ Dumbledore waved him off, smiling.

Remus, emotionally exhausted, went straight up to bed, past his room-mates who were playing exploding snap in the common room. Sirius followed him a few minutes later, and on seeing the state of his lover, simply slid in to bed beside him, holding him tight. His questions could wait for the morning.

The next day, Remus told Sirius what he had learnt about how he’d been infected and Sirius reassured him that he had done the right thing in forgiving his father, because, as someone who came from an abusive home, he knew Remus’ parents loved him. As Remus had promised, he made no mention of the Order of the Phoenix however, despite frequent updates on Death Eater activity from Dumbledore. James’ birthday passed in the usual manner: pranks, more desperate attempts to woo Lily Evans and lots of firewhisky. Come April, all the boys once again headed their separate ways for the Easter holiday. Remus had come out to his parents, which had only added to the awkward atmosphere. His father, having been born and raised in the wizarding world, was reasonably nonchalant, saying “well, if it didn’t stop Dumbledore!”, but though his mother tried to hide it, he saw the momentary flicker of sadness in her eyes when he had told her he was in love with Sirius, as if any chance of his leading a happy life had gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I tagged this as implied/consensual underage sex because in 1977 male homosexuality was still illegal in muggle Scotland and you had to be 21 or older (and in a private place) in England or Wales. Age of consent for heterosexual couples in the UK was and is 16, so Peter and Mary are fine. The age of consent was finally brought in line with that for heterosexual couples in 2001. Interestingly, there is no legislation concerning relations between women.


	7. I Miss You When I'm Not With You

Life was better back at Hogwarts. Sirius was excited by the stud Remus had put through his right ear as a coming-of-age present to himself, once Remus had explained that he wanted to regain control of the way his body looked. This was his rebellion against the wolf. Next year, once he was legally allowed, he would go to a muggle-run tattoo parlour to discuss the ways in which he could cover the scars. He would have to charm them himself if he wanted them to move like magical tattoos however, going to Tatoo Artist in Diagon Alley would have led to too many questions.

It was not until mid-May that the young couple had their first proper argument. It all started after an eagle owl approached Sirius at the Gryffindor table, bearing an envelope with the unmistakable Black family seal. Sirius looked at it nervously.

‘At least it’s not a Howler, mate,’ James offered reassuringly. 

‘Go on, whatever it says, remember that we love you,’ Remus added.

Whatever Sirius had been expecting, it was not this. He risked a quick glance over to the Slytherin table, but Regulus was not behaving any differently, so he must not have got the news yet. 

‘It’s from Andromeda,’ he started explaining.

‘What’s she doing using the Black seal? I thought she’d been disowned,’ James pointed out.

‘My uncle Alphard’s just died, she’s executor of his will. He’s left me three-quarters of his fortune by the look of it. Walburga will not be pleased, he might get posthumously disowned! Good old Alphie, always knew he was one of the decent ones,’ Sirius exclaimed, a stunned smile on his face.

Later, as they lay awake in bed, Sirius returned to the topic of his inheritance.

‘I could live the rest of my life quite comfortably on what he’s left me you know, Moony.’

‘I’m happy for you, Pads. You deserve it,’ Remus responded genuinely. 

‘I could get a place of my own now I’m of age, stop relying on the Potters,’ Sirius continued.

‘You know they don’t mind, you’re a second son to them.’

‘I know, but still. You fancy it, Moony?’

‘What are you talking about, Sirius?’ Remus asked him, confused.

‘Move in with me,’ Sirius suggested.

‘I don’t have any money,’ Remus protested, and it was true, in all likelihood he would always be too poor to live up to the standards that Sirius was used to.

Sirius laughed. ‘What did I just tell you? Alphie’s left me enough that I don’t need yours as well. Come on, Moony!’ he pleaded.

‘I don’t need charity, Sirius, especially from you.’

Sirius huffed. ‘I thought it would be nice, that’s all. Us two, a proper grown-up couple living together independently.’

‘But I wouldn’t be would I? I’d be your pet, your kept man,’ Remus hissed, before untangling himself from the covers and stomping over to his own bed. Sirius collapsed back onto his mattress, heaving a frustrated sigh.

‘What did you do this time?’ James asked Sirius over lunch. Remus was notably absent.

‘Who says it was me?’ Sirius argued. James quirked his eyebrow, evidently not believing his brother’s protests. 

Sirius sighed in defeat. ‘Fine. All I did was say I was thinking of putting some of Alphard’s money towards a place of my own and ask if he wanted to move in with me.’

‘Oh, Sirius! You know what his pride’s like,’ James admonished him.

‘What should I have done then? Pretended I don’t want him to move in with me and wait fifty years for him to finally suggest it himself?’ Sirius did not have the patience for that.

‘No, but did you suggest looking together? Did you discuss locations? If you’re not charging him rent then you need to make him feel like this is his home too,’ James explained.

‘But it would be!’ Sirius grumbled.

‘I know that, you know that, but Moony… Just make him part of the process, alright? And maybe don’t bring it up again for about a week,’ James counselled. 

So Sirius waited a week. Eventually, Remus thawed to a point where life seemed to be back to normal and Sirius decided he had waited long enough. 

‘Remus, I know it’s a sore subject for you right now, but I really want to talk about us getting a place together.’

‘You mean you’ll be getting somewhere,’ Remus countered.

‘No! I want you to be involved. I want you to tell me whether you’d prefer to live in a muggle area, whether you want old or modern, town or country. It has to be ours, not just mine,’ he explained.

‘It’ll be your money that pays for it though,’ Remus protested.

‘Don’t think of it as my money, think of it as a donation Alphard made towards our future.’

‘What about the others?’ Remus asked him. He was tempted: although he held no ill-feeling towards his parents, going back home over Easter had been awkward, especially after his coming out. His parents were no longer the shining heroes of his childhood, but flawed individuals whose failings had had serious consequences for his own future. Furthermore, he knew their lives would be better if he was out of the way. 

‘I would no longer be the Potters’ favourite son if I stole Jamie away from them before the end of Hogwarts, and Pete, well, I think we’d end up murdering each other after a week if left to our own devices,’ he laughed.

‘Living as muggles will limit our choices,’ Remus told him once the laughter had stopped.

‘How come?’

‘Well, we wouldn’t be allowed to live openly up here in Scotland, so we’d have to buy somewhere with two bedrooms and be really careful about being seen in public. Even in Wales and England, we’re considered underage until twenty-one,’ Remus explained.

‘I thought muggles were supposed to be the good guys, Moony!’ Sirius complained, scandalised.

‘Things are getting better, but it’ll take time. There are places which are known to be friendly to people like us, if you really want to go the muggle way.’

‘Can we visit these places once school breaks up in July?’ Sirius asked.

‘Sure, Pads. Why are you so desperate to live among the muggles?’ Remus queried.

‘It’s part of what makes you who you are, right? I don’t want to take that from you, especially if it’ll make life easier for you. Sounds like here you’ll suffer for being a werewolf, and out there people will judge you for being into guys. So if we can find a muggle place which is more accepting, then that would be ideal, no?’ Sirius reasoned.

Remus leaned in to kiss his boyfriend on the temple before pulling back, an affectionate smile on his face. ‘I love you,’ he breathed.

Sirius grinned. ‘Likewise,’ he told his partner.

‘That doesn’t count, Sirius! You have to actually say the words. Only when you feel ready though, don’t think you have to say it just because I did,’ Remus started babbling, causing Sirius to start laughing again. Once he had calmed down, he grabbed his boyfriend in a one-armed hug.

‘I love you too, of course I do. Prongs says I’ve been in love with you ever since you stuck all our stuff up on the ceiling at the start of first year, and I think he’s probably right,’ Sirius admitted.

‘That long?’ Remus asked, amazed. Sirius nodded. ‘Come here,’ Remus commanded, bringing his arms up to envelope the taller boy completely. ‘I don’t know what I did to deserve you,’ he confessed, before dragging Sirius down onto the bed with him.

In order to commemorate ‘The Day Remus Lupin Told Me He Loved Me and Agreed to Move In With Me’, Sirius bought him ‘God Save the Queen’ (because it was punk and mentioned Queen and so was obviously the best of both worlds) and Remus, feeling guilty, bought him ‘Good Old-Fashioned Lover Boy’, which Sirius claimed must have been written about them, much to Remus’ amusement. Sirius began counting down the days, not to the next full moon as he had been doing since second year, but to the end of June, when the two of them could start planning their life together.


	8. Just Take My Hand and Lead Me Where You Will

The boys spent the first few weeks of their holidays visiting the places Remus had heard were more open to people like them.

Earls Court had seemed ideal, with its already well-established gay scene. Remus had tried to persuade Sirius to give it a go based on the possibility of bumping into Mercury in the Coleherne, but Sirius had argued that “you should never meet your heroes, Moony, it’ll only end in disappointment” and anyway, he was done with London. He did not want to be one of those Londoners who only saw the provinces as good enough to exile their children during their formative years: after all, all his favourite people were from outside the capital. Remus had a sneaking suspicion it was a mere continuation of his rebellion against his family, but did not push the issue further.

Brighton was dismissed on the grounds that as far as Sirius was concerned, it existed purely as a retreat for jaded Londoners in need of a reason to go back home. The seafront was run-down, the shops selling the sort of antique furniture only his mother could love and the available housing options were extreme: either derelict squats or holiday homes fit for his relatives. When Remus failed to name a single successful rock act to come from the town, Sirius decided it was time to look elsewhere.

As far as its musical pedigree was concerned, Birmingham could not be criticised. Birmingham was the birthplace of heavy metal, as well as being home to such notable folk artists as Joan Armatrading, numerous psychedelic and prog-rock bands, and a lively ska scene. On the punk front too, Birmingham was starting to develop, with The Killjoys having released ‘Johnny Won’t Get to Heaven’ in mid-July. Furthermore, the economic uncertainty that had struck other parts of the country had yet to hit, meaning that the city was in better shape than Brighton. It was surprisingly green too, which pleased Sirius’ inner dog. Sirius was also amused to find that the city’s gay and Chinese communities were evolving side-by-side.

‘Could you imagine what my parents would say if they knew there was a place where both sides of my identity could coexist peacefully? And best of all, we’re only a couple of hours away from the Potters and your parents,’ Sirius told Remus excitedly.

In theory, Liverpool had a lot to recommend it. It was home the oldest Chinese community in Europe, as well as a sizeable population of Welsh origin (though Remus pointed out that that they were most likely to have come from the north). Musically too, the city had a proud history, though the seventies appeared to have been spent in mourning for the Beatles. Unlike Birmingham however, Liverpool seemed a city on edge. Here, the economic slowdown was very much in effect, much as it was in Brighton and certain parts of London. Furthermore, the gay community still appeared to be living in fear of discovery, confined to Wood Street and talking in hushed voices behind locked doors. This time, it was Remus who said no, that if they were looking for somewhere where he could feel safe and accepted Liverpool at this time was not it. 

Manchester was different. Manchester was out and proud, standing in defiance of those who would push its citizens back in the closet, even if that included the police. Remus learned it had been the birthplace of the Committee for Homosexual Equality, an organization which had played a key role in the decriminalisation of male homosexuality in England and Wales. Manchester’s gay village had properly started to emerge nearly twenty years previously, and as such was already a hive of activity the likes of which they had not really seen since they left Brighton. Manchester was also home to the Buzzcocks, Slaughter & The Dogs, The Nosebleeds and The Drones, making it one of the country’s most important punk cities. Once again, Sirius was pleased to see that much like in Birmingham, the Chinese and gay communities lived right next to each other. The only criticism was how grimy and grey everything seemed, but the energy they could sense in the air around them more than made up for it.

Obviously the most important criterion was for Remus to have somewhere to transform. The problem with inner-city living was that his options were limited. City parks were never going to be as empty as the Forbidden Forest and Britain being such a damp country, basements were at a premium as they were considered a flood risk. Had Sirius not turned so resolutely against London, then they might have found something there, but in the rain-soaked west of the country, their only option if they wanted space underground seemed to be large Victorian dwellings on the outskirts of town. This was fine as far as Sirius was concerned, having lived in tall townhouses and castles his entire life, he would probably have felt trapped by anything smaller, but to Remus, they were overwhelming, serving to remind him of how financially dependent he was on others. However, he reminded himself it was either this or a monthly appointment with the Ministry cells. 

‘What do we need five bedrooms for, Sirius?’ Remus asked his partner, as they looked around one of these large Victorian houses in the Trafford area of Manchester.

‘Entertaining?’ Sirius suggested. ‘Come on, we could rent some of them out if it made you feel better, but I haven’t seen a better space for us to exercise the furry little problem than those cellars down there.’ It was true: for once they had found a house with an extensive yet undeveloped network of cellars, perfect for the wolf and dog to run around once a month. Eventually Remus gave in to the puppy-dog eyes employed by his boyfriend, swayed by the fact that all things considered, it was a relatively good deal. So, come the end of the holiday, they were officially homeowners, Sirius making a point of getting Remus’ name on all the relevant paperwork. Knowing he finally had somewhere to call home, somewhere he could share with Remus, Sirius felt life could not get much better. This final year of school was going to be the best one yet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have nothing against any of these places, I'm just trying to reflect the social and economic state of play in the mid-late 1970s. For instance, Liverpool is now home to the UK's only official gay quarter and there are gay villages in many more towns and cities across the UK. Also, I really wanted to have the boys living somewhere that wasn't London.


	9. It’s Only Me Who Wants to Wrap Around Your Dreams

‘You’re Head Boy?’ Sirius exclaimed upon seeing the badge his brother was holding before bursting into surprised laughter.

James blushed. ‘I know, I think Dumbles has finally cracked. Do you think Moony’ll mind?’

It was the day before their return to Hogwarts and the pair were wandering around Quality Quidditch Supplies, having left Remus and Peter in Flourish and Blotts.

‘Nah, I think he’ll be relieved to be honest. Means he gets to relinquish responsibility for disciplining the Marauders,’ Sirius assured James and once James was certain all of his quidditch equipment was up-to-date for the new season, they re-joined Peter and Remus.

‘Guess what, Moons! The Mystery of the Missing Head Boy Badge has finally been solved!’ Sirius cried as he draped his arm casually across his boyfriend’s shoulders.

‘It’s not a mystery, Sirius. Any of the other three prefects would have been a worthy choice. I know I was chosen to be a prefect partly in the hope that I could tame you guys and as I haven’t really achieved that, it’s not a huge surprise Dumbledore didn’t make me Head Boy,’ Remus stated calmly. Sirius grinned wider. 

‘Oh, I think you’ll find the badge has stayed much closer to home, Moony. Would you care to enlighten us, Prongs?’

‘It’s me, Moony,’ James confessed. ‘Honestly, I don’t know what they were thinking.’

‘Really?’ Remus asked him, searching James’ face for any sign that this was a joke.

‘Yeah,’ James produced the badge once again. To his surprise, Remus smiled. 

‘Congratulations, Prongs. I guess it’s not completely mad: in a way captains represent their houses just as much as prefects. Plus, you did rescue Snape,’ Remus reasoned.

‘Moony, Moony, Moony, what are you doing? We’re meant to be embarrassing the poor boy, not disgusting him with talk of that greasy git,’ Sirius admonished him.

‘Well I think you’ll be a great Head Boy,’ Peter told James.

‘Thanks, Wormtail,’ James smiled in acknowledgement.

‘Do we know who’s Head Girl? Bet it’s Evans. Can you imagine the look on her face when Prongsy here turns up in the Prefects’ carriage tomorrow? I’m actually slightly envious of you Moons; you’ll have the best seat in the house!’ Sirius smiled wide. Remus rolled his eyes, though he could not prevent his lips forming an amused half-smile.

‘Actually, Moony, could we have a chat without these two fools for a minute? You can brief me on the sort of things a Head Boy should know,’ James asked.

‘My own brother, calling me a fool while trying to steal away my only love? What treachery! Come on Wormy, let’s leave them to their boring prefect talk while we go to Gambol and Japes to plot our vengeance!’ Sirius grabbed Peter’s hand and dragged him towards the joke shop before the latter could protest. Once he was sure their friends were gone, James turned back to Remus.

‘Listen, there was something else. When Dumbledore wrote to tell me I’d been made Head Boy I was so shocked I spilled my tea all over the letter, and the words changed. I know what he’s got planned for you after we finish Hogwarts, I know because he asked me too,’ James told him.

‘And what did you tell him?’ Remus asked, perhaps not as shocked as James was expecting, but then Remus had been told that this was likely to happen. 

‘Yes, of course I said yes!’ 

‘Welcome to the Fawkes Appreciation Society,’ Remus told him, laughter evident in his voice. ‘To be honest, I haven’t done much yet, just kept abreast of the news. Dumbledore was very insistent that I finish school.’

‘I don’t know how I’m going to keep this from Sirius though. I don’t know how you do it, one secret after another,’ James confessed.

‘Needs must,’ Remus sighed. ‘Come on, I’m slightly concerned Sirius was telling the truth. I do not want to start the year on the wrong end of one of his pranks, thank you very much.’

It had been agreed that Remus would enter the Prefects’ Carriage alone, letting Lily down gently when she asked if he were Head Boy. James would follow on behind. 

‘Surprise!’ James said sheepishly as he entered the carriage.

‘This is a joke, right?’ Lily pleaded with Remus, her eyes darting from one to the other. ‘Please tell me he asked to wear your badge as part of a prank!’

‘Show her the letter, James,’ Remus addressed his friend, amusement evident on his face.

James dug out his letter, which Lily grabbed.

‘This is unbelievable!’ she groaned.

‘That’s what I said,’ James agreed. ‘We can take it up with Dumbledore when we get to the castle, but for now, let’s pretend this is really happening, deliver a rousing speech to the new recruits and schedule rounds, that’s what a Head Boy is for, right Lupin?’ He turned to Remus for confirmation, and Remus, too scared he would burst out laughing, kept his mouth shut and simply nodded. In the end, he left the two of them to it, taking one of the earlier set of rounds with a 5th Year Hufflepuff girl before finding Sirius and Peter, his duties complete for now.

‘How did it go?’ Sirius asked him eagerly.

‘Not well for them, pretty hilariously for me,’ he summarised.

‘Are we going to take bets on how long until she kills him?’ Peter asked.

‘No, I have a strange feeling this might actually work in his favour,’ Sirius declared. ‘How about, when will Lily realise he’s not so bad and actually go on a date with him?’

‘It’ll never happen!’ Peter protested.

‘I don’t know, Pete. I reckon the second Hogsmeade weekend in February,’ Remus proposed.

‘Ooh, good choice, Moony!’ Sirius grinned approvingly. ‘I’ll give Evans the benefit of the doubt and say she’ll hold out until the end of the Spring Term. Are you sure you don’t want to guess a date, Wormtail?’

‘Nah, I think you’re both mad, she can’t stand him!’ Peter declined. 

‘Suit yourself,’ Sirius shrugged.

They did not see James again until that evening when he came to bed shell-shocked, having obviously failed to get Dumbledore to see reason and appoint someone else Head Boy.  
‘She’ll be the death of me,’ he sighed, collapsing on his bed before promptly falling asleep.


	10. And We Kissed, As Though Nothing Could Fall

Lily had not yet succumbed to James’ charms by the time Christmas rolled around again, much to his friends’ amusement. With Sirius and Remus now having their own place, the boys once again headed home for the holidays. Though the boys were excited to finally be able to enjoy their new surroundings, the fact that the full moon fell on Christmas Day did put a slight downer on things. Sirius refused to be disheartened however, declaring that they would just have to celebrate on Christmas Eve with Remus’ parents instead. Though he tried not to show it for Moony’s sake, Sirius was nervous. Although they had been together almost a year, Sirius had yet to meet with the Lupins in his official capacity as their son’s boyfriend. Remus had not told them until the Easter break and the summer had been spent searching the country for a suitable home for the two of them so the right time had not arisen until now. Lyall and Hope arrived on the 23rd and though the atmosphere was decidedly awkward to begin with, the four of them spent a pleasant couple of days becoming a family before Remus’ parents left on Christmas morning. The transformation that night was one of the easiest Remus had ever experienced, despite the absence of the stag and the rat. Sirius stated his belief that it was because the wolf had been reminded that Remus was loved.

Continuing with this theme, Sirius dragged his boyfriend into Chinatown in order to celebrate their ‘anniversary’. Although Remus pointed out that their anniversary was not, strictly speaking, until the second week of January, Sirius replied that they could not celebrate properly within Hogwarts itself, and to go to Hogsmeade would mean waiting until mid-February. Aware of the legal limitations in place in the muggle world, Sirius chose somewhere small, run by a couple originally from Hong Kong, and their young daughter who was around their age. As Sirius began speaking to them in Cantonese, the mother smiled and showed them to a secluded corner, away from prying eyes.

‘You didn’t have to do this, Sirius,’ Remus admonished him.

‘Yeah I did. I needed to celebrate the fact you’ve put up with me for a year,’ he teased, an affectionate smile on his face, which Remus nervously returned.

‘What can I say? Your enthusiasm is contagious,’ Remus replied sarcastically.

‘Look at us, Moony, behaving like a pair of grownups. Who’d have thought it? Sirius Black, the most adult Marauder,’ Sirius laughed.

Remus rolled his eyes. ‘It’s my positive influence, obviously. So, what’s good to eat? I’ve never really been out to a restaurant before and apart from time at the Potters, my diet’s been pretty boring,’ he confessed.

‘You see? I had to do this in order to educate you, let me blow your mind, Moony!’ He laughed. When the daughter came to their table, Sirius ordered for the both of them in fluent Cantonese. Remus smiled at his boyfriend’s confidence. Noticing, Sirius asked him what had him so happy.

‘I’m in awe of the ease with which you communicate with people, especially muggles, even in another language,’ Remus told him.

‘It’s easier here, because I look the part and I talk the language. If my clothes are a little bit out of place, they’ll put it down to a misguided attempt at assimilation,’ Sirius explained. ‘I can’t blame the whole community for how my parents turned out, and I miss the food,’ he joked. ‘Anyway, you speak Welsh, don’t you?’

‘Yeah, but as a second language. I had to learn after, you know, because most of the more isolated parts of Wales where it’s easier to hide are exclusively Welsh-speaking. It’s a bone of contention among many that Cardiff, which is mainly English-speaking, is the capital,’ Remus explained.

‘So you don’t like speaking Welsh?’ Sirius asked.

Remus shrugged. ‘Just as you can’t blame the entire Cantonese population of Great Britain for your parents, I can’t blame a language that has enabled me to survive despite my disease for the fact that I have said disease.’

‘When did your parents move back to Cardiff? I’ve only ever known them to live there.’

‘Mam missed it so they decided that once I went to Hogwarts, it would be safe enough to move back, because I’d only be there for a couple of Moony’s visits in the summer and with silencing charms we could just pretend I was a sickly child, it’s not like Mam’s muggle friends would believe the truth,’ Remus explained.

They lapsed into silence as their food arrived and they dug in. Sirius had ordered dishes he considered typical, such as beef in oyster sauce, steamed chicken in ginger and stir-fried grouper fish. Eventually, Sirius looked up to ask Remus what he thought.

‘It’s good, not too overpowering,’ Remus smiled reassuringly at him. 

‘Ha, no, we don’t really use spices, especially not to the same extent as the Potters. Cantonese cooking strives for balance,’ Sirius explained.

‘Honestly, it’s better than anything I could provide you with, Welsh cuisine involves a lot of stews,’ Remus told him.

Sirius smiled wide. ‘I suppose you have to keep warm somehow on those endless rainy days!’

Later, they ventured up onto Canal Street, to spend the rest of the night dancing in one of the few bars that would let them, at least until the call went out that the police had arrived and that as such, the night was over. Even if they had not been underage, Remus had heard enough stories about the attitude of the local police to persuade him that they were better off finding an empty side street from which to disapparate home. 

Once they had made it, the relief at finding each other unharmed, mixed with the general enjoyment of the evening, led them both to collapse into a fit of the giggles, clutching each other as they did so. The lack of space between them swiftly altered the mood though, with Sirius’ hungry look turning their minds to other matters. Realising he did not want to wait much longer, Remus looked around for an alternative to the bedroom, which would require wasting time going up the stairs.

‘Fancy breaking in the sofa?’ he whispered teasingly, causing the pupils of Sirius’ eyes to widen with desire.

‘Thought you’d never ask,’ Sirius purred in response. On the whole, this had turned out to be a very happy anniversary indeed.


	11. A Thousand Men in Uniforms

Sirius was cornered by McGonagall at the returning feast, wanting to inform him that his presence was required in the headmaster’s office as soon as his fellow students went to their respective common rooms. Her facial expression appeared to be one of mild displeasure, which confused Sirius as to the best of his knowledge he and the Marauders had not yet brought in the New Year with any celebratory pranks. Dumbledore had already snuck away from the feast so Sirius hurried away, not wanting to keep the headmaster waiting.

Dumbledore bid him enter, smiling warmly as Sirius did as instructed.

‘Good evening, dear boy, I trust you had an enjoyable time of it over the festive period?’ Dumbledore asked, his tone pleasant. Sirius confirmed that it was so. 

‘Good. Now, I have heard reports that you and Mr. Potter encountered some rather unpleasant individuals near the beginning of your holiday. Is that true?’ Dumbledore was no longer smiling, though his tone remained calm. How he had heard about this, Sirius was at a loss to explain.

‘Yeah,’ Sirius confirmed. ‘We were out Christmas shopping, he wanted to get something for Evans now that they’re on speaking terms and I needed to get something for Remus without him finding out, so we agreed to go together. Unfortunately, we were interrupted by some rather unsavoury characters.’

‘Death Eaters?’ Dumbledore ventured.

Sirius nodded enthusiastically. ‘There were three of them. We tried to lose them on my motorbike, but unfortunately we drew the attention of a couple of policemen who started chasing after us as well. James reckons we were probably going too fast and that’s why they were after us, but what were we meant to do with Death Eaters on our tail? In the end I levitated the police car and the Death Eaters crashed into it,’ he explained, unable to hide the grin on his face at the memory.

‘It’s a wonder you’re not in front of the Wizengamot for breaching the International Statute of Wizarding Secrecy!’ Dumbledore laughed. ‘I assume the police officers were properly obliviated?’

‘Yes, Professor.’

‘Good. Now, I know you have familial ties to Voldemort’s followers, so I would understand if you felt you could not accept, but I wish to make you an offer. You know better than anyone how easy it is for people to be swayed by such monstrous ideology, and I am hoping you would agree with me that it is necessary to stand up to it. I am setting up a secret society with the aim of bringing down Voldemort. A few of your classmates have already agreed to join me, and I was hoping you would do likewise,’ Dumbledore explained.

‘Are you suggesting I have some remaining loyalty to the family that disowned me because they found out I was hopelessly in love with the wrong person? No, I am done with them. Even Reg has gone over. My loyalty lies with Remus and the Potters, they are my family now,’ Sirius stated, anger rising in his voice.

‘That’s what I thought,’ Dumbledore stated, smiling in reassurance, ‘but blood exerts a pull on us nonetheless, the incident involving Mr. Snape-’

‘Was the worst mistake of my life! I let my anger at Snape calling Remus weak overrule my brain. It had nothing to do with their blood status. You really think I feel that way? That as a half-blood, he’s dispensable? That as a werewolf, he is there to be used whenever I feel like getting revenge on nosy gits? I chose him over my birth parents even before I knew how he felt about me!’ Sirius was properly shouting now as he was forced to recall the worst decision he ever made. Snape had spent over a year making snide comments, insinuating that Remus was not worthy of the likes of he and James, that he was weak, his blood contaminated. At first they assumed this was a reference to his muggle mum, but as it continued, Snape’s true meaning became clear. The truth was, Sirius was the weak one, easily goaded into betraying the person he loved the most. When his animagus form was revealed to him, he had laughed at the irony of his soul being represented by the most loyal of creatures. 

Incredibly, Dumbledore’s smile grew wider. ‘I assume this impassioned speech is your way of saying you accept? Anger is a powerful emotion, Sirius. It can be useful, it can drive us forward. It can also burn us until there is nothing left. Channel that anger for good, remember who you are fighting for and I think Voldemort and his followers will find you to be a truly fearsome adversary.’

‘I promise you, he won’t know what hit him,’ Sirius growled. ‘I’m in.’

‘In that case, I’d like to formally welcome you to the Order of the Phoenix. Your friends Potter and Lupin may be of assistance to you, if you happen to have any questions. As I told them, nothing would be expected of you until after graduation.’

‘They know?’ Sirius exclaimed, shocked.

‘Mr. Potter has been a member since the start of the year. I was of a mind to invite him earlier, after your unfortunate failure of judgement, but I felt he still had a bit of growth left to do, as demonstrated by events after your O.W.L. examinations. Mr. Lupin joined us last year,’ the headmaster confirmed. ‘You do understand why they could not tell you themselves, don’t you, Sirius?’

‘Secret society, hiding from Voldemort, got it,’ Sirius replied, his tone blasé though he could not deny that discovering that his closest friends, people he considered family had been hiding something this big from him hurt a little. Still, at least he had one over on Wormy.

‘What about Pete?’ Sirius asked.

‘All in due course, Sirius. All in due course,’ Dumbledore smiled again and Sirius got the distinct impression he was being dismissed. Once out of the headmaster’s office, he ran all the way back to Gryffindor tower.

Prongs and Wormtail were playing chess in the common room so after a quick greeting he carried on upstairs to their dormitory. Opening the door, he was assaulted by the distinctive saxophone sound of ‘Oh Bondage! Up Yours!’

‘Classy, Moony,’ Sirius teased his boyfriend, who was somehow managing to read despite the noise. 

Remus rolled his eyes. ‘It’s not actually about bondage in a sexual sense, it’s about the trappings of capitalism and the ongoing struggle for women’s liberation,’ he explained.

‘Whatever you say, Moony. So, I had an interesting chat with Alby just now,’ he said, moving the conversation swiftly on. ‘He invited me to join this secret society that you’ve apparently been part of for almost a year now.’

Remus moved to look at Sirius more closely. ‘I suppose you said yes?’

‘Of course. If I honestly shared any sympathy with those Death Eaters I would never have left Grimmauld, would I? And I’m probably a marked man anyway, after what happened in the week before Christmas,’ he added.

Remus’ eyes narrowed. ‘What happened in the week before Christmas?’

‘I may have caused a few Death Eaters to crash into a police car?’ Sirius said, his voice hesitant.

‘Padfoot! Why didn’t you tell me? You could have been killed!’ Remus moaned.

‘I didn’t want you to worry, with the full coming up and everything. Anyway, this isn’t how this is supposed to work; I’m supposed to be angry with you, not the other way around!’ Sirius complained.

‘I didn’t have a choice, it was a promise I made to Dumbledore,’ Remus defended himself.

‘Well, I didn’t have much of a choice either, seeing as the Death Eaters came after me, unprovoked might I add. I guess they saw me and James for the blood traitors we are,’ countered Sirius.

‘Merlin,’ Remus sighed. ‘Did you recognise any of them?’

‘No, they had masks on. What they were doing in a muggle area in such get-up I have no idea.’

Remus remained quiet, letting the information sink in. Sirius, noting the silence, edged towards his partner’s bed and wrapped his arms around Remus, who sank into the embrace.

‘Promise me that whatever happens, with the war and everything, we won't lose each other,’ Remus pleaded.

‘Could never happen,' Sirius protested.’You're stuck with me for as long as you'll have me.'


	12. He Knows his Fate is Sealed

Having survived through the last six months of school despite N.E.W.T.s and the seemingly relentless stranglehold of the songs from ‘Grease’ on the top of the charts, the Marauders’ release into the real world was imminent. Lily surprised everyone by doing as Sirius had said for once, and waiting until disembarking from the Hogwarts Express at King’s Cross for the start of the Easter holidays before planting a kiss on James and heading off to find her connecting train back to Derbyshire. Though he was temporarily left dumbfounded, James recovered admirably and managed not to ruin things for himself for the remainder of the year. Peter was not so fortunate, with Mary declaring that as they were about to be unleashed on the wider world, it was only fair that they break things off so as to start their new adult lives with no baggage. He reacted to this by becoming increasingly clingy towards his fellow Marauders and he consequently discovered their membership of the Order after catching James and Sirius discussing the latest reports on Death Eater activity and the Order’s response. He had subsequently marched up to Dumbledore’s office and asked to be admitted along with his friends.

Lily planned to move to London to start training as a Healer at St Mungo’s, so naturally James decided he should also move to the capital in order to be close to her. At this point, Peter asked if he could join James, fearing that he would be left out all the way up in Scotland and seemingly not wanting to share with Remus and Sirius, though they had ample room. James, being a loyal and generous sort, agreed especially as Lily had made it abundantly clear that she was not ready to start living with him straight out of school. Near the end of the school year, she too was inducted into the Order.

‘Weeeeeeeee are the champions, my frie-ends!’ Sirius sang, drunk on firewhisky. ‘Can you believe it? We’ve made it through seven years of pranks, full moons and McGoogly’s disapproving glares and now the real world beckons, ripe and ready for our brand of Marauderly mischief!’

‘I’m not sure that’s how it’s going to work, Pads,’ Remus warned his boyfriend, who was now leaning quite heavily against him. ‘We’ll have the Order, and James and Pete will be down in London with Lily.’

‘What are you saying?’ Sirius asked, the look on his face the definition of scandalised. 

‘I’m saying we might not have time to be the Marauders anymore, now that we have responsibilities,’ Remus explained calmly.

‘But we could always prank the Death Eaters, can you imagine them rolling around on the floor under the influence of a tickling hex?’ Sirius grinned manically at the thought.

‘I reckon a good knockback jinx might be more useful,’ Remus told him.

‘But nowhere near as fun. I can’t wait to try it on Bella, I don’t think I’ve ever seen her laugh properly! Smirk, yes, sneer, certainly, but actual full-bodied laughter? I just want to know whether she’s even capable of it. Who knows, she might spontaneously combust as soon as the first chuckle escapes.’ The look on Sirius’ face implied that this was very much the desired outcome. 

Sirius celebrated his newfound freedom by cutting his hair, a final act of rebellion against his family, and immersing himself in the nightlife on Canal Street. Remus fell in love again. It happened accidentally, after overhearing people in one of the bars discussing something called ‘Grassroots’. At first, he misunderstood, thinking they were talking about some sort of movement, but when he expressed an interest, someone explained to him about the large, literally underground bookstore on Newton Street which specialised in LGBT literature. Along with music, good literature was something that was sorely lacking in the wizarding world, again being restricted to fairy tales for young children or the romantic novels of Fifi LaFolle, which were not really to his taste. So whenever he happened across a muggle bookstore, he would feel the urge to go in and explore, lose himself momentarily in the possibility of other worlds. A bookstore which catered to the tastes of people like himself and Sirius seemed too good to be true. So, the next day, he went to find it. It was more than a bookshop, with notices all over the place of community activities and organisations and over the next few years, Remus became a regular, popping in whenever he had a day off from working for the Order.

That was not a regular occurrence though. Pretty much as soon as they had left Hogwarts, they were summoned to Leeds to meet with the Longbottoms, Aurors with ties to the Order who had been a couple of years ahead of them at Hogwarts. Frank and Alice were to train Lily and the Marauders to cast the patronus charm, so as to be able to send messages to fellow Order members. Lily, having been quite gifted in charms, conjured her doe first of all. James was probably more excited by this than she was, though when she suspiciously asked him why, he covered well enough, claiming he was just proud of her intelligence. Remus, concentrating on the memory of his 16th birthday when his friends had revealed their animagi forms to him, was next, though he quickly dismissed his patronus when he saw what creature it represented. He knew it was a true wolf, having checked for the tell-tale signs before dropping his wand, but still he felt that the universe was mocking him. Maybe this was his punishment for choosing that particular memory, maybe he should have gone for the day he and Sirius finally made things official, but the logical part of him knew that the memories one chose had no impact on the form of a patronus, only its strength. Thus, he vowed that from then on, he would choose less straightforwardly positive memories, such as the day Dumbledore came to invite him to Hogwarts, which had been amazing in itself, but had led to six months of worry, right up until the moment the Sorting Hat had shouted ‘Gryffindor’ a mere minute after landing on his head, that his secret would be discovered and his invitation rescinded. That way, he knew, he could keep his patronus as an indistinct burst of vapour which would not remind him of his dual nature. 

However, he had not been quick enough to hide his patronus from Lily, who had taken a back seat after conjuring her own, giving the Marauders time to catch up to her. She came up to him and, smiling, guided him away from the others. 

‘Wolves aren’t all bad, you know,’ she told him, once they were out of earshot. ‘They represent loyalty to those we love.’ Remus wondered, not for the first time, whether Lily knew what he was. It would not have been much of a surprise to find that she did, for she was uncommonly bright and having been friends with Snape as his obsession with unmasking the werewolf took hold, she must have had her suspicions.

‘They also represent violence, they are the symbol of destruction,’ he countered. ‘You’ve read Norse mythology in Ancient Runes, I know you have.’

‘And having read further, I believe that the Vikings got the wolf spectacularly wrong. The Serbs believe the wolf represents fearlessness, and think of your own namesake, the she-wolf that suckled Romulus and Remus is the epitome of the wolf as nurturer. In most Native American myths, the wolf represents courage and loyalty, both of which you have in spades.’

‘You don’t understand-’ Remus began to protest, on the verge of revealing his most dangerous secret.

‘I know what happens to you every month, Remus. I have known since the end of third year, when we studied the werewolf in Defence. I stand by what I said: you are the bravest person I know, and you are loyal, the fact you forgave Sirius is proof enough of that. That is why your patronus is what it is. And so what if a few ignorant Death Eaters see it and think only of the wolf’s undeserved reputation for violence? That’s surely to your advantage,’ she concluded, a mischievous grin spreading across her face. ‘Let’s practice sending messages with our fully-formed patronuses, no hiding from me, Lupin! Then we can go and see what the others have come up with, I bet none of theirs are as cool as yours.’

Lily was right, of course, and when she eventually saw James’ stag, she demanded he explain how he knew what form his patronus would take, which led to him confessing that he and his friends were illegal animagi, something which she promised not to reveal. 

A few weeks later, as they sat together with Alice and Frank sipping butterbeer in a local wizarding establishment having all mastered their patronuses, Peter joked that his friends were all too couply. ‘The stag and doe, the wolf and his dog,’ he teased. Sirius glared pointedly at him, aware of the Longbottoms’ status as part of the Sacred Twenty-Eight and slightly concerned Frank at least may have shared in his own parents’ prejudice.

‘You guys are together?’ Frank asked, with nothing more than surprise in his voice. ‘Thinking about it, I do recall something about the Black’s eldest being disowned due to his “unwillingness to carry out the familial duties expected of him”, guess I know what that means now,’ he said, laughing softly in amusement. ‘To love?’ He raised his beer glass for the toast, which a relieved Sirius joined enthusiastically, along with Alice and all his friends.


	13. Have I Doubt When I’m Alone

Now that they were all able to confidently produce the Patronus Charm, they were formally invited to join the Order’s next meeting at Edgar Bones’ family manor in Lincolnshire. Remus was pleased to see Dorcas was a member and the two of them spent the time before the meeting was called to order discussing the varied merits of punk, reggae and disco. Sirius hugged an unsuspecting McGonagall, excitedly calling ‘Minnie’ as he swooped down to embrace her. Her muffled hiss of ‘it’s Minerva to you!’ could just about be heard by his fellow Marauders. 

Once introductions had been made and Death Eater activity recapped, it was time for the new recruits to be added to the watch rota. Elphias Doge, apparently an old friend of Dumbledore’s, said he would take Peter, and James ended up with Alastor Moody, an Auror with more scars on his face than even Remus. Marlene McKinnon decided to take Lily under her wing and Sirius became the responsibility of a young witch from Belfast by the name of Emmeline Vance. Sirius had assumed that Remus would end up with Dorcas, and was surprised when Caradoc Dearborn volunteered to show him the ropes instead. 

Suddenly, the war was real in a way it had not been until then. Remus spent every spare minute he was not out on Order duty working in the muggle pub round the corner from their home. This meant that for that first month after their official induction to the Order, the only time they got to spend together was in bed late at night on days when neither of them was on shift. On the nights when one of them was absent, the other would lie awake, unable to sleep until their lover came home. Caradoc becomes a friend to Remus in a way that Doge cannot be for Sirius. Sirius tries not to get jealous of the time they spend together, of the things they have in common, tells himself Dearborn is merely making a fellow Welshman feel welcome in the Order. He knows that next month they will get to choose their own partners and he’ll be damned if he lets anyone take his Moony away from him again. 

It is nearing Sirius’ nineteenth birthday when Remus comes home, white as a sheet, clearly unconscious and with blood dripping from a wound in his side. He is being carried in Caradoc’s arms, before the latter hands him over to Sirius who takes him over to their bedroom, carefully laying him out atop the mattress. 

‘What happened?’ Sirius hissed, his worry making him forget the manners that were drilled into him from birth. Dearborn was polite enough to pretend not to notice. 

‘We were on watch on the corner of Diagon and Knockturn when we came across a gathering of Voldemort’s supporters. We fought them off but one of them cast a slicing hex which hit Remus in the side. I wanted to take him to Mungo’s but he said to come here instead so I managed to levitate him over to the Leaky and flooed straight over,’ he explained.

Sirius swallowed his fear and grabbed the dittany he had bought in case Padfoot was not enough to keep the wolf from hurting the boy inside. 

‘I should probably go and inform Dumbledore. Are you going to be alright?’ Dearborn asked, the concern evident in his voice.

‘Yeah, it’s not the first time I’ve seen him in such a state,’ Sirius told him truthfully. What he did not say was that he had never had to fix it himself, Madam Pomfrey having been the one to heal him, before the pack. He briefly considered Flooing Lyall, knowing that the wizard had been the one to patch up his son before he went to Hogwarts, but he was not in the mood to lie, and the point of a secret society was that no-one was to know about it. Finally, he decided Lily was probably his best choice, having started her training a couple of months back she may already have learnt about this curse and how to treat its effects. He quickly applied the dittany, knowing that speed was usually of the essence when treating cursed wounds, before heading to the fireplace to call Lily.

‘Lily? Lily, are you there?’ he called, not bothering to hide the desperation in his voice.

‘Sirius? It’s gone midnight. Some of us have to be at work in the morning!’ She complained.

‘It’s Remus, he’s hurt. I’ve put some dittany on the wound but I think he might need some Blood-Replenishing Potion and-’ 

‘Alright, I’m coming. Just let me grab my kit,’ she interrupted as she woke up enough to realise that this was not a prank and Sirius was on the verge of a panic attack.

Satisfied with the job Sirius had done healing the skin, Lily set up a drip through which she could administer the Blood-Replenishing Potion while Remus slept. She considered forcing Sirius to take some Sleeping Draught but realised Sirius would probably never forgive her and anyway, she did not fancy getting struck off this early into her career. Instead, she opted for a Calming Draught, hoping that the shock would wear off sooner than the potion’s effects. 

‘Do you want me to stay? Or I could call James if you’d rather,’ Lily asked him softly.

‘No, don’t. He’ll only fuss,’ Sirius told her. Lily took that to mean she should probably stay. She would have to beg off work in the morning, but somehow she knew that with Remus in this state, the likelihood of her being able to concentrate at all was low anyway. Instead, she approached Sirius and wrapped him up in her arms. This was new territory for them, having previously seen the other as a nuisance, and then a rival for James’ attention. Not that Sirius had ever felt that way about James, it had always been Moony, but James was his best friend, his brother, and even when Sirius had Moony, he knew James was just around the corner if he ever needed anything. Lily returning James’ affections after all these years meant Sirius was no longer the most important person in his life, and that took some getting used to, even if Remus had long become the most important person in his. Remembering his thoughts from earlier that evening, Sirius began to laugh. Lily pulled away, looking at him quizzically.

‘I spent most of this evening feeling sorry for myself because Remus and I have barely spent any time together since the Order meeting. I was worried that Dearborn volunteered to be his watch partner because he wanted something more and that Remus, once he knew he had options, would realise what an undeserving mess I am and move on. Now I know that it doesn’t matter. I could handle it if he were to stop loving me; just as long as I knew he was safe. I couldn’t cope if he were to die first, Lily. He’s always been the strongest one of us,’ Sirius confessed. 

‘Oh Sirius, you daft mutt!’ Lily exclaimed before once again enclosing him in her embrace. ‘Remus loves you. Doc’s just grateful he’s no longer the only Welshman in the Order, that’s all,’ she assured him. 

‘Remus isn’t even full-blooded Welsh,’ Sirius responded petulantly.

‘I know,’ Lily told him soothingly. Once she was reasonably sure that the Calming Draught had had the desired effect, she disentangled herself and went to prepare a bed for herself in the next room. Through the walls she could hear Sirius softly singing “They can’t hurt you now, Can’t hurt you now, can’t hurt you now” and she hoped for all their sakes that it was true.


	14. She Gives Me Hot and Cold Fever

The war continued on, past the Deepavali celebrations at the Potters’ which Sirius declined on the grounds that he believed Remus was not yet sufficiently recovered, past Sirius’ own 19th birthday, celebrated at home in the presence of James, Lily and Peter, the former laden with various culinary remnants of the festivities such as holiges and chakkulis. It continued beyond Christmas, spent in Cardiff with the greatest gift of all being Hope finally accepting Sirius. 1979 was ushered in on the dancefloor of the New Union, before Sirius invited all their families and friends for a feast to welcome the year of the goat, which he claimed was meant to be a year full of promise. 

But fate had other plans. During his final year at Hogwarts, Sirius had heard the whispers that his brother had joined the Death Eaters. With Bellatrix and Narcissa already amongst their ranks, and with Sirius himself having been unceremoniously dismissed the year before, it was no great surprise to hear that his little brother had gone down that path in order to cement his new position as the Black heir. Sirius had pretended not to care, but those closest to him knew better. So, when Narcissa wrote to tell him that Regulus had been killed, presumably for trying to leave Voldemort’s employ, Sirius did what he did best and pretended like nothing had happened. Remus and James both tried to get him to talk, but nothing worked. Shortly thereafter, he received an unexpected visit from Kreacher, urging him to return to Grimmauld Place, though the elf was unable to mask his contempt for Sirius and his choices.

His mother was hysterical. Her baby, her great hope was gone and now, so was her husband. Orion Black had been weak, had been unable to face a world where he had failed to produce a viable male heir to carry on the family’s legacy. Walburga was left to pick up the pieces. As neither of her nieces had reproduced as of yet, she would have to reach an agreement with her eldest son, the shame of her flesh. 

‘I assume Kreacher told you why you have been summoned?’ Walburga began.

‘Orion is dead, you need an heir,’ Sirius confirmed bluntly.

Walburga nodded. ‘So I am willing to reinstate you, on one condition.’

Sirius smirked. Only a Black could be arrogant enough to bargain from a losing position. ‘Let me guess, I am to publicly renounce my Muggle-loving ways?’

‘No. You forget: I gave you life, I know you, and how stubborn you are. So strong, so like a true Black. I know now that I cannot change your worldview. No, what I need you to do is to banish the half-breed,’ Walburga concluded with a malicious smile. Though werewolves were not technically half-breeds, it was clear who she meant. What puzzled Sirius though, was how she knew. Snape would not have been considered worthy of an audience with Walburga Black.

‘Oh look, my little baby’s all confused. Did you not know? Did the big bad wolf trick you? We could use that you know, say you were misled by a filthy beast. I’m sure it would up your marriage prospects,’ Walburga told him gleefully.

‘How do you know about his disease? Who told you?’ Sirius shot back, trying to keep the emotion out of his voice.

‘The werewolves are antsy; they see no reason why they should protect the status quo. One of them, Greyback I think he was called, is an associate of your dear cousin Bellatrix. After your dear departed brother informed me of your entanglement, I had them come to me and tell me what they knew of your precious little Lupin. Did you know Greyback turned him himself?’ Walburga continued smiling.

None of this was news to Sirius, having heard it first-hand from Remus almost two years before, so he nodded, willing himself to stay calm. ‘You still haven’t given me a reason to end the best thing that’s ever happened to me. I know Remus is afflicted with lycanthropy, I’ve known that since our second year at Hogwarts. I have no interest in maintaining the Black family line and thanks to Alphard we have enough to live the rest of our lives in comfort.’

Walburga searched his face and saw that it was true. ‘Would you really leave me to rot? Are you really that cold, Sirius? I thought you prided yourself on your ability to feel.’  
And though he knew it was the last, desperate ploy of a woman on the verge of losing everything, a woman who had abused him half his life, he knew what she said was true. He could not do it, that pull of blood, such a fresh and open wound for both now they were the only ones left, was overwhelming. He would not sacrifice his Moony, he had no need to claim the house or the fortune which came with it, but he would be just as cold, just as heartless as the family he left behind if he refused to reclaim his birth-right, thereby leaving Walburga destitute. He had told Remus that he had done the right thing in forgiving Lyall two years ago, and this now was his test. 

‘I will sign the papers, you may stay here as long as you remain alive and I will ensure that your access to the family vaults remains unhindered, but we are to have no further contact. I will not allow you to dictate how I live my life. You lost that right when you blasted me off the tree. If this family is to die with me, then good riddance. Those are my terms. It’s time to choose, dear mother, what do you value most: your blood, your pride or your wealth?’ Sirius was prepared to admit that he was not as good as Remus, not as kind. Then again, he’d known that since fifth year. 

Silently, Walburga slid the papers over to him and handed him a quill with which to sign. ‘Wealth above all, I see. Fair enough,’ he commented. ‘There you go, I’ll pop in to Gringotts before heading back home to the man I love. I’ll see myself out.’

He did as he promised and went back to his own life, never touching the family fortune. Walburga too kept her word, and her distance. However, this did not stop the good folk from the Daily Prophet from speculating that Sirius was back in the family fold, though Walburga had exercised her remaining influence to ensure that the identity of her wayward son’s lover remained hidden.

Towards the end of December, James came to tell Sirius that the Potters were gravely ill with Dragon Pox and were not expected to see out the week. Sirius left for Somerset straight away, never leaving the Potters’ bedside, arranging for his Order duties to be covered by other members. This time, when Fleamont and Euphemia finally succumbed, first he on the 27th and then Effy following two days later, Sirius did not hide his grief from Remus. In front of James he was strong, but once safe at home in his lover’s arms, he let the tears flow freely. Though his feelings for his birth family were too complex for him to process, the Potters had only ever shown him love, and so he felt justified in expressing his grief. 

Not that 1979 was unremittingly awful. Sirius hit twenty, giving his friends plenty of opportunity to break out the old man jokes and, on the last week of November, James invited the pair of them to the Westminster flat he shared with Peter, claiming he had some important news to announce. In the end though, he let Lily do the honours and she confessed that they were moving in together and planning to get married as soon as possible, because she was pregnant, the baby due in the middle of summer. So, on the 19th December, a large crowd, predominantly made up of Order members and Lily’s muggle family, were gathered at the Potters’ in Somerset. For old time’s sake, Remus was put in charge of the reception music, and couldn’t resist playing ‘Crazy Little Thing Called Love’. In retrospect, Sirius was glad that James’ parents died after such a joyous event, and with the knowledge that that the family would continue to grow. The only person not overjoyed with the promise of new life was Peter, who felt he was being left behind as his friends moved on and settled down.


	15. The Road of Life is Rocky and You May Stumble Too

Try as he might, Sirius could not get his mother's words out of his head. Knowing Remus all these years, he was aware of the prejudice, aware of how difficult life was for people with his condition. The whole reason Remus got into punk in the first place was because he was made to feel like a second-class citizen in the wizarding world. So this knowledge, coupled with Remus’ frequent absences from Order meetings and from Sirius’ bed, started to play on his mind. The times that worried him most were when Remus would be gone during the full moon, which became more and more frequent. Was it possible that Remus had given up, had followed his maker’s lead and gone over to the Dark Lord? Sirius did not want to believe it, but if Remus were working on the Order’s behalf, they would know as his missions would be discussed as part of the progress reports delivered by members during the meetings. 

What Sirius did not know, was that a year into their time as fully-fledged Order members, Remus had been summoned to see Dumbledore, who told him it was time for him to infiltrate the werewolves as a spy working on the Order’s behalf to see if he could discover anything about Voldemort’s plans. Dumbledore had promised him access to Wolfsbane Potion, in case he had to stay during the full in order to prove his allegiance. The Wolsbane Potion was a recent discovery which seemed to enable werewolves to keep their human minds during the full moon. This would stop his wolf from doing anything his human self could not live with. It was due to these spying missions that Remus uncovered the giants’ plan to invade Britain, information which he relayed directly to Dumbledore, who after having the rumours confirmed by Hagrid, passed the knowledge on to the Ministry. This enabled the Aurors to prepare and so defeat the giants, turning the tide of the war away from Voldemort and his followers.

Remus was not stupid. He knew that no matter how bad life currently was for the werewolves of Great Britain, it would be at least ten times worse under Voldemort and his followers. Voldemort saw them as tools, attack dogs to unleash against his enemies but nothing more. The rumour amongst many of the werewolves that Remus met was that even Fenrir Greyback was not considered worthy of the Dark Mark, precluded from joining Voldemort’s inner sanctum because of his status. Remus had devoted his whole life to finding a place for himself within the magical community despite his disease and he was not going to give that up because of the half-truths of the monster that had caused his pain in the first place. Even as his work led him to become more and more isolated from the rest of the Order and his long absences were starting to count against him as far as Sirius was concerned, he refused to be swayed. 

The Potters and Longbottoms had gone into hiding in the New Year, as Dumbledore made them aware of a prophecy made by his new Divination professor, claiming that one of their unborn children was destined to be the one to end the war. Part of Remus wanted to scoff, having never really believed the future to be that clear-cut - the idea that he was always destined to be a werewolf was too painful to consider - but they were at war and paranoia ran high. With Remus gone with the wolves half the time, Sirius was left to his own devices. Sirius had taken Divination at Hogwarts, and with a family like his, was all too ready to look for the hidden darkness in those around him. Neville Longbottom was born on the 30th of July, as announced by Dumbledore at the subsequent Order meeting, and Harry Potter the following day. For once, the mistrust was forgotten as James’ oldest friends gathered in his absence to toast his new-born son. That night, Sirius and Remus clung together in a way they had not done since the early days, trying to hang on to something while everything good seemed to be running away from them. Remus was gone again by the time Sirius apparated to Potter Manor to meet his nephew and be confirmed as his godfather. Sirius laughed to see that Harry already had a full head of dark hair, as untamed as his father’s. It was good to get away from the war and all his suspicion, if only for one day.

It was strange, he thought. He and Peter had never really been that close, it had been Padfoot and Prongs since day one, as close as brothers; and then Padfoot and Moony, the lovers. Wormtail had been an addition, allowed to join because Remus had pled his case, said it was unfair to leave him out considering he was their dorm-mate. Peter worshipped James, saw in him everything he wanted to be, but was wary of Sirius and his unpredictable mood swings. Now though, with James in hiding and Remus disappearing all the time, they gravitated towards each other. Peter too had doubts about Moony ‘he’s a werewolf isn’t he? How well can we truly know him?’ and Sirius was losing the will to fight, to say ‘I know that man better than I know myself, Moony’s one of the good guys,’ because if that were true, why wasn’t he here with Sirius, chasing away the doubts that were threatening to overwhelm him? Bob Marley was singing “Don’t let them fool ya”, but it was getting so hard to tell who to be wary of. James tried to reason with him, tried to tell him that Remus had been the first one chosen to join the Order, and Dumbledore was not one to make his decisions lightly. Remus was not there to defend himself though, wasn’t there to reassure Sirius and tell him they were all on the same side still, and Sirius was sinking.


	16. Got Motion Restrained Emotion

In February 1981, Remus’ mother died. Hope had been suffering from breast cancer which had metastasised and become untreatable before they could catch it. She was forty-eight, which even for a muggle was much too young. Although the Potters had passed away just over a year previously, Sirius felt unable to offer his partner any comfort, as Remus vanished for ever-longer periods, brushing off any attempt on Sirius’ part to discuss his feelings. It was as if Remus believed that by pretending he had never had a mother, he could avoid the pain of losing her. Then again, Sirius reasoned, maybe he had swallowed so much of the purists’ propaganda that his mother’s death came as a relief, the muggle no longer there to remind him that he was not like Sirius and James, descended from generations of magic. It was strange how many of Voldemort’s followers, not to mention the man himself, were half-blood. Still, Remus had always been good at self-loathing.

Then, with Harry and Neville’s first birthdays just around the corner, Death Eaters killed Marlene McKinnon and her parents as she went to visit them at home in Paisley. Had she stayed in Diagon Alley, she would probably have survived, having placed secure wards to protect her flat, like all Order members were told to do. Having presumably only just arrived in Scotland though, she had not had the time to place protective charms on her parents’ house before the Death Eaters attacked. Remus, having been on standby at Order headquarters at the time, was first to apparate on the scene but the Death Eaters had already moved on. 

Albus called an emergency meeting of the Order to announce the news. Lily cried, having come to see Marlene as something of a mentor after being taken under her wing for the first month. Dorcas too was understandably upset, seeing as her and Marlene had been a couple for nearly a year now and part of the reason Marlene had gone home was in order to officially come out to her parents. She had not wanted Dorcas to accompany her as she was worried about her muggleborn father’s reaction.   
‘If I hadn’t forced her, if I had gone with her-’ Dorcas wailed.

‘If you had gone with her, then we might have lost two key Order members,’ Dumbledore reasoned.

‘And Marly never did anything she didn’t want to do,’ Fabian reassured her. ‘She loved you.’

‘What Mr Prewett has said is very apt. We must hold on to love in this time of hatred and fear. Fear that would turn us against friends, family, lovers,’ Dumbledore proclaimed. Sirius squirmed in his seat, feeling that his old headmaster was warning him directly. ‘Now, it may be that Ms McKinnon was careless. She had friends and colleagues outside of the Order, and weekend plans are not usually a taboo subject, especially when those plans have nothing to do with what this organization is trying to achieve.’

‘Surely this proves the need to be extra vigilant, Albus?’ Moody protested. Sirius silently agreed.

‘Yes, but us turning against one another could only help to serve our enemy’s interest,’ Dumbledore countered.

‘Could anything more have been done to save the McKinnons?’ Benjy Fenwick queried.

‘No, Mr Lupin did everything right. He put the call out to the rest of us so he would have back-up and then went straight to Paisley. My belief is that Ms McKinnon only sent her patronus once she knew she was dying. Many of you were in Gryffindor because times like these require brave action. However, as a fellow lion, I am aware of our propensity for foolhardiness and rash action. If you ever find yourself ambushed, outnumbered by our enemies, act like Mr Lupin and call for support immediately, it will not do to offer ourselves up to Voldemort and his followers simply because we are too proud to call for help,’ Dumbledore argued. ‘Now, let us gather together to remember Ms McKinnon. Ms Meadowes if you please?’ 

‘Everybody here knows what Marly meant to me, so I’m going to let you all speak, because I know you each loved her in your own way. Then we can come back to me and I’ll try my best to articulate what I felt for her in a way that she would have approved of,’ Dorcas explained. ‘Any volunteers?’

They all took turns trying to express their loss before Dorcas set up a cassette player before Dorcas spoke up again. ‘Marlene told me that this was the song which persuaded her to act on her feelings for me. I know that seems like an odd choice to play here as we remember her, but I don’t think Marly would have approved of us pretending she was some sort of ascetic angel. I’m playing this because she was vain, she was stubborn and above it all she was special.’ Dorcas pressed the play button and ‘Brass in Pocket’ rang out.  
Later, Remus stayed behind to offer his apologies to Dorcas, who waved them off.

‘You’re not to blame just because you happened to be the one at HQ at the time. Like Dumbledore said, you did everything right. You know what Marlene was like, typical Gryffindor: act first, think later. Only this time, those faceless monsters made sure there was no later. She knew what the situation was like, she knew that with her being an Order member and her father being muggleborn her entire family were targets. We just have to make sure we beat them, for Marly’s sake.’

Sirius was not so easily convinced. When Remus returned home, Sirius was waiting for him, his face tight with suppressed rage. 

‘What was that?’ he spat.

‘What was what?’ Remus asked him, sincerely confused.

‘Cosying up to Meadowes, pretending to care about what happened to Marlene,’ Sirius half-explained.

‘Are you accusing me of trying to seduce Dorcas at her girlfriend’s memorial?’ Remus asked, his own voice rising in unbelieving anger.

‘What? No!’ Sirius exclaimed, the thought having genuinely never occurred to him. ‘I’m accusing you of pulling the wool over all our eyes. You disappear for weeks at a time, you’re never able to explain what it is you’re doing during your increasingly frequent absences and the first time one of us dies, it’s when you’re on watch. Where do you go during the moons, Remus? You haven’t needed Padfoot and the gang in almost two years.’

For a brief moment, Remus was struck dumb. Then, quietly he hissed ‘you have no idea. You have no idea what I go through on those missions, how I long for your company. How dare you accuse me of swallowing that pureblood nonsense when I’ve just lost my mother, who let me remind you, had not a single magical bone in her body! I am a halfblood, a half-breed; there’d be no place for me in Voldemort’s new order, not one I could live with at any rate.’

‘But you never talk about Hope! It’s like she never existed, like you’re ashamed,’ Sirius defended himself. 

‘I am not ashamed of my mother, but if I stop just for a moment and think about what I’ve lost, then I might fall apart, and I can’t afford to do that because then I let the Order down, I give the advantage to the likes of Greyback and Voldemort,’ Remus explained. ‘I’m going to stay with Da for a bit, wish Harry a happy birthday from me and I’ll probably see you at the next Order meeting,’ he said, the fight suddenly absent from his voice. 

For hours, Sirius could do nothing but stare at the door through which his partner had fled.


	17. And Rushed to Reach the End Too Soon

In the end, Sirius did not attend his godson’s first birthday due to the growing fear that Voldemort was on the Potters’ tail. Instead, he sent Harry a broom knowing it would please James and frustrate Lily. If the boy was to follow in his father’s illustrious footsteps, he would have to start young. Sirius spent his time drowning in Firewhisky. Only when Peter came to call sometime in early August was Sirius forced to sober up. 

‘He’s gone, Wormy,’ Sirius sniffed.

‘You’re better off without him,’ Peter told him. ‘Look at you: you’re rich, you’re handsome, you’re Sirius Black! You could have anyone you wanted.’

‘I love him!’ Sirius wailed. 

‘I know,’ Peter soothed him. ‘He was always lying to you though, wasn’t he? First about the wolf, then he hid the Order from you. ‘Witch Weekly’ is always saying relationships require trust, and he kept on abusing your good nature by lying to you.’

‘He seemed so angry when I accused him of wanting Marlene dead, and I brought up his mother! I was so ghastly to him Wormy,’ Sirius admitted.

‘Of course he was going to go on the defensive. What did you think would happen? He can’t blow his cover can he? Who knows what Voldemort and his followers would do to him!’ Peter argued. ‘You were so brave to stand up to him the way you did.’

Sirius lay there in watery silence, having Pete run his fingers through his short hair soothingly. After a while, a thought struck him.

‘Since when do you read ‘Witch Weekly’?’ he asked Peter.

Pete groaned. ‘Out of all my reassuring words that’s what you pick up on? Unlike you, I prefer the fairer sex, quite a few of whom consider it to be essential reading. I may have picked one or two up to see what all the fuss is about.’

Sirius laughed, possibly for the first time since Remus left. ‘Admit it Wormy, you read it for the beauty section. Merlin knows you need it!’

‘Oi! If that’s the way you treat a friend who’s come looking out for your welfare, I could just as well leave you to your own devices,’ Wormtail protested.

Sirius reached out to stop Peter from getting up. ‘No, please stay. Your reading of ‘Witch Weekly’ has obviously done wonders for your head massage skills.’

Peter rolled his eyes but complied.

Remus, meanwhile, was negotiating the fine balance between unburdening himself of his heartbreak and confusion and giving too much away concerning the Order. 

“The further we go/And older we grow/The more we know/The less we show” Robert Smith was singing on a loop for days before Lyall finally decided he had had enough and marched into his son’s room demanding an explanation for Remus’ sudden reappearance and obvious distress.

‘I just don’t understand it, Da,’ Remus complained. ‘It’s as if Sirius thinks that because I don’t wear my heart on my sleeve, I must be a bad person. I thought he knew me, but obviously something’s changed in the last few months. The war’s made him paranoid. A friend of ours died a few days ago, killed by Death Eaters and he accused me of being glad!’

Lyall tentatively reached a hand out to his son. ‘Maybe with the war coming closer and with his family background, he’s starting to see evil where there is none. It can’t be easy for him, with two of his cousins amongst the Death Eaters and his brother dying in the service of Voldemort. He has to try twice as hard to prove his worth, prove he’s not like the rest of them, especially since he got reinstated as heir.’

‘Why me though, why does he think I would turn against everything I believe in?’ Remus questioned.

‘It’s always those closest to him who have let him down in the past, maybe he’s decided to cut you off before you can hurt him too,’ Lyall suggested.

‘But I wouldn’t!’ Remus protested.

‘I know that and you know that, but Sirius has obviously been damaged by the years of abuse he suffered at the hands of the Blacks,’ Lyall reasoned. 

Remus scooted over, leaning his head on his father’s shoulder. ‘He thinks that because I didn’t put on a big show of grieving after Mam died, I must be a secret blood supremacist,’ he whispered, barely able to believe the words as they came out of his mouth.

‘Oh, Remus,’ his father sighed in sympathy, bringing him closer and wrapping his arms around him. 

‘I miss her, Da,’ Remus confessed, finally letting the tears fall. 

‘So do I, she’d be marching right over there to knock sense into that boy, mark my words!’ His father told him, trying to lighten the mood. Remus laughed weakly through his tears.

‘Is that what you want me to do?’ Lyall asked him.

Remus laughed louder. ‘Oh Godric, no! I’m supposed to be a grown man, able to fight my own battles and all that.’

‘Do you think your relationship is worth fighting for?’

Remus sighed. ‘I’m not sure I know how to stop loving him,’ he confessed. 

‘That’s not the same thing,’ Lyall pointed out.

‘I forgave him in 5th year and that was a lot more serious than this. Sticks and stones, right?’

‘Your relationship wasn’t quite as intimate back then, nearly five years of being involved mean you’re allowed to feel betrayed when he shows such a lack of understanding concerning your intentions,’ Lyall told him.

‘That’s not the same as giving up though,’ Remus argued.

‘No, but hiding out here listening to that music on repeat is,’ Lyall teased.

‘What can I do? I can’t exactly just turn up in Manchester and force him to take back his words. I can’t expect things to go back to normal just because I’ve returned.’

‘Is there anywhere neutral you could meet? What about James’?’ his father asked. Remus winced, realising how close he was to revealing his whole secret life.

‘James doesn’t want to deal with this, not with a young family of his own to look after. We have a reunion planned in a couple of weeks though, so maybe then,’ he said, thinking of the next Order meeting. 

‘So I’m stuck with you for another fortnight?’ Lyall sighed dramatically. ‘I guess I can cope with that, just as long as the music cheers up!’ his father laughed good-naturedly and even Remus managed a wry smile.


	18. Why Must the Youth Fight Against Themselves?

Sirius was undone the minute he saw Remus at the next Order meeting. Remus sat with Caradoc knowing Sirius would not follow, his relationship with Dearborn having never really recovered from his initial bout of jealousy and suspicion. Remus looked wretched, though whether this was due to heartbreak, guilt or the approaching full moon Sirius did not know. He let Peter drag him away to a seat next to Podmore, for once in his life not wanting to create a scene. 

Mainly, the meeting was taken up with updates on the security measures surrounding the prophecy, which seemed to have been left alone deep in the bowels of the Department of Mysteries for the time being. The Potters and Longbottoms remained safely in hiding and the war seemed to have reached an unofficial state of ceasefire, with the Death Eaters lying low since the murders of Marlene and her family. The Prewett brothers lifted the mood further by announcing that their sister had finally achieved her goal and given birth to a girl named Ginevra the previous day. The good news was completed by Dorcas confirming that she would remain to ensure that Marlene and her family had not died for nothing. This entailed a switch-around in the schedule and though Sirius volunteered to be partnered with Dorcas, Dumbledore ignored him in favour of pairing her with Fenwick. Thus, Sirius and Remus remained paired.

Trying to make the most of a bad situation, they took the time to discuss where they would be going from there.

‘I could ask if anyone is willing to swap with me, if you want,’ Remus offered.

Sirius shrugged. ‘I don’t think Dumbledore would be too pleased, he obviously didn’t want me to work with Dorcas.’

‘What if I spoke to him, told him our relationship had broken down and it was my fault and it might not be the best idea for us to continue working together?’

‘Why do you do this? Why are you always so self-sacrificing?’ Sirius groaned.

Remus merely shrugged in response.

‘I was horrid to you! I said you wanted your mother dead!’

‘Is that an apology?’ Remus asked him, his eyes suddenly shining a little brighter.

‘For that, yeah. I know how close you are to your parents,’ Sirius conceded. The light that had briefly flickered in Moony’s eyes faded once again, the unspoken confirmation of Sirius’ continued suspicion not lost on him. Sirius’ heart broke a little further.

‘Listen, Dumbles always knows everything that’s going on around him, yeah? So he must know things aren’t great between us, and he still put us together, which means we’re going to have to work through this. What are you doing for the full?’ Sirius asked, his tone softening.

Remus blinked, a little unbalanced by the sudden change of topic. ‘I don’t know, the Ministry I guess, I don’t want to inconvenience anyone.’

‘Is that what you’ve been doing all these months?’ Sirius asked, incredulous. 

Remus winced, obviously fearing what Sirius would think if he were to respond with the honest negative.

‘Never mind, I don’t want to know. How about I put the word out to the others, gather the Marauders together like we used to?’ Sirius did not know what made him suggest it, except an overwhelming desire to stop the hurt he saw on Remus’ face, and maybe a faint hope that if he could remember what it used to be like, the Marauders, the four of them against the world, Remus would come back to them.

A tentative smile emerged on Remus’ face as he nodded. ‘I’d like that,’ he said, his voice barely above a whisper.

James replied straight away, obviously delighted to have a reason to leave the house for once, but Peter excused himself, saying he had made plans he could not change having anticipated that Moony would be elsewhere for the full. Still, now that they had the basement, the rat was no longer essential to the night’s activities and so it was decided that the three of them would go ahead without him.

Remus arrived first, full of gratitude for Sirius’ kindness. Sirius was pleased when James came through the Floo a few minutes later, if only because it distracted Remus from his seemingly endless stream of thanks. James, when he appeared, was smiling that secret smirk he had which he usually reserved for momentous Lily-related news. 

‘Out with it, Potter,’ Sirius commanded once he could bear the suspense no longer. ‘What has your wondrous wife done this time?’ 

James made a show of hesitating. ‘Well, maybe I should wait until we see Wormy-’ he began, but Sirius growled in frustration, not having the patience for games, especially on full moon. 

‘Alright, fine, fine! Keep your knickers on. Lily’s pregnant,’ he announced, his smile growing wider. The effect on Sirius was instantaneous; his whole face lifted into a wide grin and wrapped his brother in a tight hug. Remus, possibly distracted by the thought of the upcoming change, belatedly mumbled his congratulations.

‘She’s due in April so it’s early days yet. If it’s a girl, we’ll call her Bryony to keep the botanical theme Lily’s family have got going, and Shreya to honour my Indian heritage and also because it means fortunate in Sanskrit and Euphemia meant “words of good omen” or something to that effect so it’s sort of remembering Mum too. If it’s a boy, we thought Ralph Sirius: Ralph for my illustrious ancestor Ralston, much like Harry was named for my grandfather, and because it has allusions to the wolf it can honour you too, Moony; and Sirius because you’re my brother and because Moony and Padfoot belong together,’ James beamed at them. 

Both Sirius and Remus blushed on hearing this, though possibly for different reasons. Sirius was ashamed: knowing that James refused to believe ill of their werewolf friend, he had not told him of their latest argument and possible separation. Remus was embarrassed because he always was when people honoured him in any way. 

‘Still nothing for dear old Fleamont?’ Sirius asked, teasing.

‘You know if we could have come up with something better than Monty Harry would have had it,’ James said. ‘That name is an abomination, in all its forms.’

‘You can’t give him a wolf name, if my family’s anything to go by that’s not going to end well,’ Remus protested.

‘Nonsense, you’re a valued member of the Order, one of my best friends and the love of my brother’s life. Things haven’t worked out that badly for you despite your furry little problem have they?’ James countered. Neither Remus nor Sirius had the heart to argue.

Despite the tension between Sirius and Remus, the transformation went as well as it could, considering it was Remus’ first without the wolfsbane potion in a long time. Dumbledore had decided that in light of Marlene’s death, he’d rather keep the rest of the Order at close quarters for the time being which meant forgoing what little information Remus could glean from the wolves until things settled down again. Though Remus was relieved to be away from Greyback, Dumbledore had warned him that he would be expected to make do without the help of the potion. However, considering the potion did not remove the pain of the change, having Padfoot and Prongs in attendance worked about as well for keeping the wolf distracted.

As the moon set, James helped Sirius to carry Remus over to the main bedroom, before making his excuses and rushing home to his wife and child. Despite the months of full moons spent alone worrying about Remus, Sirius fell in beside him, driven by instinct. He hoped he did not imagine Remus snuggling closer.


	19. I Face the Day with Me Head Caved In

The rest of August and the whole of September were spent circling around each other. Remus gave no indication that he had lost his willingness to fight, saving Sirius from more than one attempted curse by the likes of Bellatrix and Lucius Malfoy, Sirius’ family having made a particular target of their relative. The first time this happened, Remus apparated them back home and Sirius, overcome with relief and gratitude, had dragged him inside. Remus, finding his lips too occupied with Sirius’ own, did not protest. 

They continued in this way, not officially reconciled but regularly finding themselves in bed together after Order duty, before Remus would leave under the morning sun. Sirius could never quite find the words to ask him to stay; nor did he ask where he went, hoping his lover made his way back to Cardiff, or to a fellow Order member’s home, but was too scared to ask in case the truth turned out to be something different. Despite this, Remus found that the full moon was non-negotiable, Sirius insisting that he spend it in Manchester. At first they were accompanied by Prongs, but as September turned to October and the war returned with a vengeance, the last was spent just the two of them, as it had been in the early days of their cohabitation. Moony was subdued, a reflection of Remus’ own sorrow at the loss of his colleagues and friends.

The first to die that month were the Prewett twins, ambushed by five Death Eaters as they were on patrol with Alastor Moody. Moody barely escaped with his life, losing both his eye and a leg in the battle to add to his many scars. His nose too, appeared to have had a large chunk removed. When he woke from his magically-induced coma, he told the rest of the Order that Gideon and Fabian had died honourable deaths, having fought like heroes. This did not diminish the Order’s sense of loss. 

Then, mere days after the October full moon, Dorcas was killed by followers of Voldemort. Remus, still sore from the change and in a profound state of shock at the loss of a loyal friend, was summoned to Hogwarts for a meeting with Dumbledore.

‘It appears I have made a grave error of judgement,’ Dumbledore began after Remus had been ushered into his office and told to take a seat.

‘I should not have removed you from your mission. Since we have gone without the information you gain from the wolves, we have lost three valued Order members. My fear has led them to their deaths. I am afraid you must go back if we are to prevent any more loss of life,’ the headmaster explained.

Remus did not have the strength to argue. If Dumbledore felt this was the best way the Order could maintain their advantage, then he would go. He owed everything he had to this man, he was not going to risk it now because he was too tired, too scared to do as he was told. So without a word to anyone, he packed the little he needed and made his way back to Greyback’s pack.

Greyback was no fool. Remus, who came and went seemingly as he pleased, who had never successfully managed a kill, was not to be trusted. On his return, Greyback had two of his henchmen teach him a lesson, biting and scratching him, knowing their actions would leave reminders even in their current unchanged state. Eventually he was left, with clear instruction to the rest of the pack that he was not to be spoken to. Someone took pity on him, cleaning up the blood and making up a bed for him. Remus was too weak to protest his rescuer’s reckless actions.

He knew it would take weeks, maybe months before he could regain any trust among the mid-ranking werewolves and so he bided his time, helping with the younger wolves, teaching them the skills they would need if they were to have any hope of escaping this life as he had done. He found they came to him readily, following the siren call of his music collection after a couple of them caught him listening to “Invisible Sun” on his record player, which he had smuggled in among a change of clothes and his renewed supply of Wolfsbane Potion. 

‘You really don’t care if Greyback kills you, do you?’ One of the youngsters asked, an amused tone to his voice.

‘I’m trying to instil a sense of hope,’ Remus explained.

‘Werewolves shouldn’t listen to music,’ the other one stated. ‘That’s what Greyback says. He says it’s a luxury only humans can afford.’

‘Are we not human 353 days a year?’ Remus pointed out. 

The youth shrugged in response. ‘Doesn’t feel like it when you get kicked out of home 'cause someone bit you.’

‘I’m sorry,’ Remus told him sincerely.

‘Not your fault by all accounts,’ the first one responded on his friend’s behalf. ‘You got any more records on you?’

‘A few, you’re welcome to come and listen to them if you want,’ Remus offered. The broad grin on the boy’s face was worth all the hassle it might cause with Greyback later. 

The pair came back the next day, and over the course of time, he got them to open up and bring more children to the tent, which essentially grew into the camp’s school, with Remus its only teacher. In the end, he had to move to his own tent, hidden away as far away from Greyback’s home as he could get in order to avoid his maker’s wrath. Officially, education was something else Fenrir Greyback did not approve of. 

Of course, just because Remus was not permitted anywhere near any werewolves who may be able to tell him how the war was progressing did not mean there was no war at all. On the 22nd of October, after Remus had been with the wolves almost a week, Benjy Fenwick disappeared. His body was found a couple of days later, mutilated almost beyond recognition. Remus’ conveniently-timed disappearance reignited Sirius’ suspicion, which Peter was only too glad to stoke. Then, on the 27th Edgar Bones was killed, along with three generations of his family. This massacre took place at the family home, meaning that someone from the Order must have told the Death Eaters how to get past the wards.

Sirius was beside himself. He could no longer think, all he knew was that someone within the Order was leaking all their secrets to Voldemort and the only one who’s shocked expression he could not read was Remus, because he was not there. Once again he had fled in the night, leaving no forwarding address and no clue as to what he was up to. The last he had heard, Remus was going to Hogwarts for talks with Dumbledore. Had the wily old headmaster finally figured out that Remus was the traitor and cast him out? Were the deaths of Benjy Fenwick and the Bones family his revenge?

All of this preyed on his mind as he reflected on James’ request. James had invited Sirius to a meeting at Potter Manor in order to ask Sirius to be their secret keeper. Had he been asked two years before when Lily and James first announced the pregnancy, he would almost certainly have said yes. Back then, he and Moony were still together, despite his mother’s best efforts. The doubts had not yet settled in for their semi-permanent residency. However, such actions might have already led to their deaths. Remus could not be trusted, and by extension, neither could he. The truth was, he still loved Remus Lupin, traitor or not. Remus knew that if he applied the right sort of pressure, Sirius would tell him anything he wanted. After all, nobody knew better than Remus that Sirius would divulge any secret for the right price. No, it had to be Peter. Peter adored James, had done for ten years. He would consider it the greatest honour to be trusted with the safety of the Potters. Sirius’ mind was made up: he would be the decoy, giving Peter a head-start on Voldemort and his followers.


	20. A Pointed Finger the Tin Can Schemer

Despite his continued, vociferous belief in Moony’s innocence, the pressure of time meant James had no choice but to accept Peter as his family’s secret keeper. Sirius was now completely isolated: his lover had once again vanished into thin air, the only true family he had ever had were now in a location unknown, and so was Wormtail, who had become his closest confidante in the last year or so. For four days, he threw himself into his work on behalf of the Order, gleefully dispatching any Death Eaters that crossed his path, though always guiltily relieved every time he failed to find Moony’s face hidden behind one of the masks. Then, on the 31st, everything ceased to make sense.

He and Peter had developed a tradition of meeting up every Saturday for a meal and a catch-up after Remus had walked out on him back in July. Essentially, it was a case of Wormtail making sure his emotionally volatile friend was at least eating something good once a week, no matter what was going on around him. Although Wormtail now had to be cautious, considering his new status as secret keeper, nothing had been said about cancelling their Saturday lunch. When Peter failed to show up at the usual time and place, Sirius waited for half an hour before deciding to get back on his bike to the Croydon flat Peter had started to rent the previous year. It was empty, but there were no obvious signs of trouble. Sirius began to feel uneasy. 

Grateful that he did not have to apparate and risk getting splinched, he flew to the Potters’ cottage in Godric’s Hollow, the last place he had known them to be hiding. Half the top floor was destroyed. Finding his path unblocked by defensive magic and the front door unlocked, Sirius rushed in, only stopping on seeing the lifeless form of his brother at the foot of the stairs. Momentarily stunned, he was brought back to reality by the cries of a scared and lonely toddler coming from the nursery. Lily’s dead body was lying on the floor in front of Harry’s cot. Ignoring his nausea, he stepped over his sister-in-law and grabbed Harry before running out of the cottage.

Once back outside, he was only mildly surprised to bump into Hagrid.

‘Lily an’ James?’ Hagrid asked, though it seemed he already knew the answer. Sirius, mute, could only shake his head.

‘Dumbledore thought that might be the case,’ Hagrid acknowledged sorrowfully. ‘He said I was ter take the boy to his aunt’s.’

‘You’re taking him to the Dursleys’?’ Sirius exclaimed, disbelief giving him back his voice. 

‘Dumbledore reckons Lily must have done blood magic in order to protect Harry. Petunia’s his best chance,’ Hagrid argued. ‘Especially if-’ at this point Hagrid hesitated, looking away from Sirius as if embarrassed.

‘Especially if?’ Sirius prompted, curious.

‘Well, you were the Secret Keeper, weren’t yeh?’ 

‘No! It was Peter. We switched. I thought Remus was the spy. Oh Merlin,’ Sirius’ voice faded as the reality of his situation sunk in. ‘Fine, take Harry and my bike, it’ll be faster that way. Mark my words though, this isn’t over. Once that traitorous little rat has got what’s coming to him, I will get Harry back. I’m more his family than that hag will ever be!’ Handing over the now mercifully quiet toddler, Sirius ran out of Hagrid’s line of sight and transformed into Padfoot. 

As Padfoot, he was able to follow Pettigrew’s scent trail easily, without the risk of failure attached to attempting magic in his emotionally distressed state. Padfoot’s emotions were simple: bad rat killed pack, bad rat hurt Padfoot, bad rat must pay. The rat, being a rat had not gone far, for some reason heading into the centre of Godric’s Hollow, possibly to lose himself in the crowd. Padfoot would not lose him though, Padfoot knew his scent. Once the trail stopped, the dog once again became a man and quickly grabbed his wand, forcing his erstwhile friend back into his human form. 

‘Sirius-’ Peter began.

‘How dare you?’ Sirius roared, interrupting him. ‘How dare you address me after all you’ve done? You betrayed Lily and James, half the Order is dead because of you! You made me doubt the man I love,’ Sirius concluded, his voice breaking.

‘And it was so easy,’ Peter laughed. ‘Once a Black, always a Black, right Sirius?’ 

‘What in Godric’s names is that supposed to mean?’ Sirius hissed.

‘You tried so hard to play the rebel: being sorted into Gryffindor, befriending blood-traitors and half-bloods, even pretending to love a half-blood, male werewolf. How could it be love though, if you were willing to use his monstrosity for a prank, for meaningless revenge? How could it be love when the moment his back was turned, you let someone like me persuade you that someone as ridiculously noble as dear Remus could betray his friends? No, underneath it all, you still cannot see beyond the fact of his lycanthropy, which makes you just as prejudiced as the family you claim to despise,’ Peter concluded.

Sirius had no response, because it was true. ‘Where is he? What have you done to him?’ he asked instead, suddenly convinced Voldemort was holding him captive, torturing him.

‘Nothing. He’s out the way, irrelevant. Dumbledore sent him to spy on his own kind. Last I heard he was giving the younger ones false hope of a better life outside of Greyback’s clutches,’ Peter told him.

Despite the situation he found himself in, Sirius could not help but smile at the thought of Remus as a mentor, as a beacon of hope. It was what he was born to do. Distracted, he was too late to stop Pettigrew from screaming that Sirius himself was the traitor responsible for the deaths of James and Lily Potter. The next thing he knew, Pettigrew had grabbed his wand and cast a blasting spell, creating a crater around them. Unsuspecting muggles, out enjoying their Saturday evenings, were caught up in the blast, and many more were drawn in by the commotion developing in the middle of their high street. Peter used the distraction to cut off his finger and flee, once more disguised as a rat. 

As the Aurors came to take him away, the lyrics to ‘Mad Eyed Screamer’ ran round and round in his head, though whether they referred to him or Peter, he could not tell. All he could do was laugh.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So there it is. First of all, this was meant to be a one-shot exploring the idea of having Remus as the punk character, because I felt his experiences would chime better with the British punk scene, and Sirius seems like the type to get into the makeup and ridiculous clothes associated with glam. Then it was supposed to be a short prologue to another story focusing on Remus' missing years, but it continued to grow until it was its own thing. That story may still happen (Remus as a goth!), but I will probably take a short break from Wolfstar to focus on ideas I have for other areas of the fandom. Thank you for reading!


End file.
